Julia Meets Rodney Skinner

                                              JULIA MEETS RODNEY SKINNER

Julia: *dies*

Skinner: *comes and gives Julia mouth-to-mouth*  

Julia: Rodney??? Wow, this must be heaven...

Skinner: Nope. Not heaven. Just my bedroom. Somehow you appeared here. Oo

Julia: *secretly thinks:* Ooo! bedroom eh? *but really says:* Really? I wonder how I got here… I really don't how I got here, 'cause just a few minutes ago I was at home... But do u mind if I stay though?

Skinner: Sure! I'd love that!!! It does get kinda lonely...

Julia: Ok. I’ll stay. Hey! I have an idea on how to beat the loneliness. LET’S PLAY SCRABBLE! *runs to get scrabble board*

Skinner: Oo ok…

*Julia comes back with scrabble board*

Julia: Wooo!!!

Skinner: Actually, I have a better idea... *takes off all his clothes* Let's play hide and seek! People say I'm unbeatable... Julia: *frown* But I wanted to play scrabble… *pout*

Skinner: Awww… *hug* But hide & seek is much more fun.

Julia: Yeah I guess… *still pouting**

*Julia and Skinner are playing hide and seek. Julia is looking for Skinner while Skinner is following Julia around the room.*

Julia: Skinner! I give up!

Skinner: I told u I'm unbeatable!

Julia: *mumbles* And a show-off...

Skinner: WHAT?

Julia: U heard right.

Skinner: Oh, yeah?

Julia: Yeah!

Skinner: Wanna fight about this??

Julia: SURE WHY NOT. How ‘bout we do that over a nice game of scrabble??

Skinner: FINE BY ME!! *slams the scrabble board down on the table*

Julia: Do you know the rules?

Skinner: DUH!

Julia: *spells Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia*

Skinner: You can’t use that!

Julia: Why not?

Skinner: First of all, you only get 7 tiles so you just used to whole scrabble bag, second of all, it’s not a word.

Julia: It is too a word!!

Skinner: Oh yeah? 

Julia: YEAH!

Skinner: Define it.

Julia: It means fear of long words.

Skinner: Well, I've got hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, so, no, you can't use that word.

Julia: Fine. *spells Skinner is sexy.*

Skinner: You can’t use that either.

Julia: *cries*

Skinner: *rolls eyes* Sigh…

Julia: *thinking* "OK, I think I've figured it out..." *spells out Nothing* "Muaha!"

Skinner: There, that is something u can actually use.

Julia: Wooo-hooo!

Skinner: >.< You get double points.

Julia: Oo Huh? Why?

Skinner: Because you used all your tiles..

Julia: WOOHOOO!!

Skinner: *rubs ears* Ow…

Julia: Does that mean I won our scrabble fight???

Skinner: No... We have to finish the game... remember?

Julia: Oh... right. *blushes*

Skinner: *spells match using Julia’s ‘h’*

Julia: Mat-c-h?

Skinner: >.< No.. It’s pronounced mat-ch

Julia: I am so totally bored of this... Wanna make out?

Skinner: Oo Ummmm....

Julia: I'll give u a quarter... ;D

Skinner: Jeez, we just met...

Julia: Oh please, it's not like I'm asking u to do it with me... Would u though?!

Skinner: I have to go... get a haircut... now.

Julia: Um, u do realise u have no hair, right?

Skinner: Xo... The haircut one just never works...

Julia: Pleasie? *puppy dog eyes* You’ll make a quarter…

Skinner: A quarter, eh?

Julia: Yeah.

Skinner: OH BOY! A QUARTER!!! (sarcasm)

Julia: *gives him a quarter and puckers up for a kiss*

Skinner: *takes the quarter and runs* Yoink!!!

Julia: Hey come back here!!! I can c why they call u thief, but I can't c why they call u gentleman!

Skinner: *stops. sigh. thinking: "Well, she does have a point..." *returns* Fine, here's ur quarter.

Julia: Thank you!

Skinner: ...Ummm, do u want to go c me knock some guys out for fun?

Julia: Like... a date?..

Skinner: Sure, why not.

Julia: YAY!

Skinner: Oi... *grabs a heavy book* Let’s go!

Julia: WOOT!

Skinner: Oo You have an… odd… personality.

Julia: I know. That's exactly why I'm so attracted to u! U no, we're both just, weird!

Skinner: Yeah, u have a point. Ok, so who do u wanna knock out first?

Julia: Matt the janitor...

Skinner: Now why in the world would u want to knock him out first?

Julia: For being such a blonde...

Skinner: Oh, ok, that works.

Skinner: *walks up behind Matt* Excuse me.

Matt: *turns around* “Wha-”

Skinner: *whack whack whack whack whack* “Night night!” *Matt is knocked out*

Julia: Wheee!

Skinner: Who’s next?

Julia: Now we have to go knock out... ummm, Weird Al!

Skinner: What!? Why?!

Julia: So I can lock him up in my washroom and keep him as a pet! Duh.

Skinner: Oh, for a second I thought that...

Julia: Thought what..?

Skinner: That u don't need me anymore...

Julia: Awww, really? Of course I need you! ... Wanna make out???

Skinner: Why do you keep asking that?

Julia: I’ll give you a nickel… 

Skinner: A NICKEL! YAY!!! 

*they make out* 

Skinner: Now off to find Weird Al. 

Weird Al: *is walking down the street* Lalalala… 

Skinner: Ello. 

Weird Al: Well, howdy do! I hope you’re having an awesome-rific day!

Skinner: Oo You annoy me. 

Al: Oh dear. That’s just a shame isn’t it?

Skinner: *whack whack whack whack whack* God he was annoying.

*Skinner and Julia are driving to Julia's house with Weird Al in the trunk.*

Skinner: I'm sooo tired... Do u want to go get dinner or something?

Julia: After we drop off Al.

Skinner: OK.

*Are at Julia's house and are dragging Al to Julia's upstairs bathroom. Al got duct tape over his mouth, and is tied with rope. He came to, and is now struggling and making odd noises.*

Julia: Just throw him in there...

*fling. they lock the door and leave the house. are driving.*

Julia: Hey Skinner?

Skinner: Yeah?

Julia: When u kissed me back there, did u do it because u wanted to or because I said I'll give u a nickel if u did? 

Skinner: Hmmmmm... I’m not quite sure really. 

Julia: Sure… 

Skinner: Really! By the way, where’s my nickel? 

Julia: -_- Way to change the subject Rodney… Here. *gives him a nickel* 

Skinner: Yessss!

Julia: Skinner, I'm mad at u.

Skinner: And why's that?

Julia: Because u just stole one of my potato chips.

Skinner: *crunch* Why else?

Julia: Also, because u r a selfish, uncaring, rogue... thing.

Skinner: Ouch, that's harsh...

Julia: It better be...

Skinner: *sob* 

Julia: Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry!

Skinner: *SOB* 

Julia: Please keep watching the road!

Skinner: Not until you apologize! 

Julia: I ALREADY DID!! 

Skinner: *sobs harder*

Julia: Skinner, ur gonna ruin ur makeup!!!

Skinner: *SOB* Oh, what does it matter! I've got a whole tub of it in my pocket anyway... *SOB*

Julia: Oh, Skinner, please don't cry, it hurts me to c u cry... *starts crying* Look, I'm really really, really sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

Skinner: *stops crying* Gotcha.

Julia: Wha...?

Skinner: Heh heh. I can't believe u fell for that! *laughs*

Julia: *slap*

Skinner: Ow...

Julia: WATCH THE ROAD!!!

*screech. crash. bang.*

Skinner + Julia: Ahhhhh!!! 

God: Rodney Skinner…. 

Skinner: Oi? 

God: This is God.

Skinner: Uh-oh. 

Julia: What did you do now? 

Skinner: Listen, God, about Jesus… 

God: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!! 

Julia: WHAT DID YOU DO TO JESUS?!?!?!? 

Skinner: Be quiet, will you?

God: Rodney Skinner, do u want to die?

Skinner: Ummm... no?

God: Good... now then, I need u to apologize for what u said to Jesus.

Julia: U've met Jesus?!?!?!

Skinner: *Jack Sparrow smile* Oh, yeah!...  OK, I'm sorry Jesus, I mean, I'm sorry, God... for what I said to Jesus.

God: Apology accepted. U may return to Earth now.

Julia: Wait a second, why am I here?

God: U shalt receive your answer in seventy-five years.

Julia: What the hell is that supposed to mean???

God: Bye now...

*Skinner and Julia find themselves in the middle of nowhere beside a burning car wreck*

Julia: Soooo, u met, Jesus, eh?

Skinner: Yupp… 

Julia: *awkward silence* How…? 

Skinner: Oh. I can’t remember.  

Julia: That or you don’t want to tell me? 

Skinner: I dunno. 

Julia: You don’t know much of anything do you? 

Skinner: What’s that supposed to mean??

Julia: That you’re stupid.

Skinner: I am not!

Julia: Are too! 

Skinner: Am not! 

Julia: Are too!!

Skinner: U callin’ me stoopid??? Can't u c that I'm invisible!! How d - *gets cut off by Julia*

Julia: Um, no - ur invisible.

Skinner: Oh, b quiet, will ya! Anyway, as I was saying, I'm invisible, and if u would've seen all the formulas I had to deal with to b where I am right now, u wouldn't b calling me stupid at the moment!

Julia: Fine then. How did u meet Jesus?

Skinner: I bumped into him by accident in church one time, back when I was a boy. He thought I would be so thrilled to bump into something divine, but he was wrong, 'cause all I said was 'Watch where ur going... And learn how to shave!"

Julia: *in awe* Then what??

Skinner: The next thing I no I'm lying in a hospital. My mom told me that I just passed out in the middle of the church for no reason. No reason indeed... *grumbles*

Julia: Skinner?

Skinner: Yeah?

Julia: I need to tell u something...

Skinner: Shoot!

Julia: I wuv u! 

Skinner: Well- I- … damnit. No fair! 

Julia: But I do! 

Skinner: That was dirty. 

Julia: Was not! 

Skinner: You knew I wouldn’t be able to retaliate! 

Julia: Fine. I hate you then. XP

Skinner: Yay! I can retaliate to that!

Julia: *cries*

Skinner: Sorry...

Julia: w/e We have to find somewhere to spend the night.

Skinner: Well, ummm, that clump of bushes could be nice, hey, how about that nice dent in the ground that your car made when it rolled over?

Julia: *annoyed sigh* Looks like we'll have to spend the night out in the open...

Skinner: Woot! 

Julia: Ok. I’ll sleep on this side of the road you sleep on that side.  

Skinner: But- 

Julia: I don’t want to hear it.  

Skinner: But on the other side of the road there’s a river! 

Julia: Guess what? 

Skinner: *excitedly* What?? 

Julia: You’ll live. 

Skinner: >.<

*Skinner is lying on the muddy riverbank, his teeth r chattering. Julia is lying in the soft grass on the other side of the road, asleep.*

Skinner: J-J-J-ulia?

Julia: Yeah?

Skinner: D-d-do y-yo th-th-think it's at-t-t al-l-l pos-s-s-ible th-th-th-that I could p-p-pos-s-sibly g-g-o o-over t-to th-th-that s-side o-of th-the r-r-r-r-road?

Julia: Suck it up up buttercup. If u can spend hours upon hours naked in the snow in the middle of a Mongolian winter, then I'm sure u'll be able to survive a warm summer night in the mud.

Skinner: B-b-but I-I-I th-th-thought y-y-you l-loved me!

Julia: *angry* Why should that matter?

Skinner: B-b-because I li-k-ke y-you and w-would like t-to c-cud-dle u-p-p with-th y-you at-t th-the m-moment...

Julia: Well too bad…

Skinner: *shiver* P-P-P-Please?

Julia: Nope.

Skinner: *gets hypothermia and gets delirious* A bla gla shma. *incoherent mumbling*

Julia: Skinner?

Skinner: Shgiggle.

Julia: Oo Shgiggle?

Skinner: Alashargle.

Julia: What’s an alashargle?

Skinner: Ratzenburger!

Julia: OMG! Where? Oh, wait, you got hypothermia and r going delirious, aren’t you?

Skinner: Alshablabla…

Julia: OK, fine then, you can come here and lie on the grass.

Skinner: *gets up. wanders aimlessly around in circles mumbling incoherently. falls into river. SPLASH*

Julia: OMG! Skinny?!?!

Skinner: *burble*

Julia: Ummm… I have a feeling that this is not good.

Skinner: *resurfaces* Scrababibble!!!

Julia: *rolls eyes* Let’s get you out of the river.

Skinner: Noidatibble! (meaning: yay!)

Julia: *drags Skinner out of river*

Skinner: Oooh… Mina…

Julia: Excuse me?!?! *slap*

Skinner: Ow… what was that for… Mina?

Julia: OK – I really need to warm you up…

Skinner: Splarg.

Julia: Actually I think we should go to a hospital. I think you damaged your head.

Skinner: Allemagniaon.

Julia: Let’s go! *flies away and lands at the hospital, but lands on Desmond who for some odd reason was there*

Desmond: Oi! Watch where you’re landing!

*Julia wakes up in the middle of the roadside huddling with Skinner under his coat*

Julia: *hugging Skinner* I’m ccolldd… And I had such a weird dream… I could fly and I took you to a hospital and Desmond was there…

Skinner: *waking up* Ummm??...

Julia: nvm. Hey! Wanna no something funny?

Skinner: Sure…

Julia: I have always wanted to marry a guy who’s gertalian…

Skinner: My mom was Italian and my dad was a German...

Julia: …and an albino…

Skinner: I’m an albino!

Julia: …and a pyromaniac…

Skinner: Ooh, fire…

Julia: …and someone who is invisible…

Skinner: Uh-huh…

Julia: And someone who is pornographic!

Skinner: Did somebody say porn?

Julia: I think… I just met my soul mate…

Skinner: Eeep! Flying soles!

Julia: -.- Not soles, souls.

Skinner: What’s the difference?

Julia: Soles and souls that’s what.

Skinner: I don’t see the difference.

Julia: You shouldn’t.

Skinner: Why?

Julia: Because I said it.

Skinner: So?

Julia: You don’t see floating words do you?

Skinner: Why?

Julia: Because.

Skinner: Why?

Julia: Because!

Skinner: *cries* U’r so pushy!

Julia: Be quiet.

Skinner: OK!

Julia: We should really start planning how to get out of here…

Skinner: Slartibartfast could give us a ride.

Julia: How about we ask someone existent?

Skinner: *cries* You always hate my ideas!

Julia: Yes I do. Stop giving me stupid ideas, then I won’t hate them.

Skinner: I am not a shoe!

Julia: -.- No, your ideas are stupid. How did you get “you’re a shoe” out of “your ideas are stupid”??

Skinner: *shrug*

Julia: We should hitch a ride!

Skinner: From Slartibartfast?!!

Julia: No – from that car that’s coming up the road…

*they stop the car and the driver turns out to be Al’s wife, Suzanne*

Suzanne: Sure I’ll give u a ride to town! Oh, have u heard, my husband’s missing!

Julia+Skinner: *gulp*

Julia: You know that “pet” that I have at home?

Skinner: Unhunh…

Julia: I wonder if he needs feeding…

Skinner: Probabbly.

*After getting back home, Skinner and Julia liver happily ever after without ever returning their “pet” to its rightful owner, Suzanne.*

The End