Family, A Tasertricks Fanfiction, Chapter 19

Title: Family
Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe, post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Pairings: Darcy/Loki, Jane/Thor
Rating: T
Synopsis: When an assassination attempt outs Loki as Odin's usurper, the Allfather decides not to waste his time harboring a wanted fugitive and simply banishes his rebellious Jotun son from Asgard. And Darcy Lewis just wanted breakfast, not for the psychopath who tried to take over Earth to come seeking refuge at the last place imaginable. Post-CA: TWS. Tasertricks!

Chapter 19

To Loki’s greatest annoyance, it only took Thor four large strides to catch back up with him.

“You love her,” the God of Violating Other People’s Privacy repeated incredulously.

“I know not of what you speak,” Loki gritted out through his teeth. Futility at its finest.

“Do not play dumb with me, Brother,” Thor snapped, though there was no true anger in his voice. “I have seen the way that you look at her.”

Loki sighed. He knew his brother far too well to think that there was any use in arguing with him further. “My, my, Brother,” he said instead. “Is this your famed woman’s intuition coming through? I do remember Mother having it something awful, and you two are just alike.” Although his tone was mocking, the reality was that he was jealous beyond measure of Thor’s having inherited so much of Frigga. Inherited by blood no less, a privilege that Loki had never known.

“Do not change the subject, Loki,” Thor growled, unabashed by the trickster’s poor attempt at insulting him. “Do you have interest in Darcy or not?”

Loki let out a single, pained chuckle. “No, Thor, I do not have ‘interest’ in Darcy . . .”

Thor opened his great maw confrontationally.

“. . . because that would put it far too lightly.”

Oh, Thor. What a crude way to simplify the maelstrom raging inside Loki’s damaged heart. Did he have “interest” in Darcy Lewis? As if mere “interest” could ever come close to his true feelings for that ridiculous mortal girl. No, Loki thought not. Loki, who wished nothing more than to be at the girl’s side always. Loki, who wanted to devote every moment of his existence to simply making her smile. Loki, who retired to bed every night with no other desire than to carry her to bed with him, to fuck her slowly and thoroughly, and to taste her pleasure on his tongue as she screamed out his name into the night.

“So, I was right?” Thor whispered, his eyes wide. “You do love her?”

Thor really was an inconsiderate, meddling, annoying oaf, and Loki was not looking forward to the lecture that would surely come. Nevertheless, he exhaled heavily through the nose, before grinding out a barely audible, “Yes.”

It had been almost four months since he had finally come to accept this very real, albeit inconvenient, fact, after having spent so much time stubbornly, and foolishly, denying it to himself. And it had caused him turmoil to rival any in his life. It had not only been the realization that he was in love with Darcy that had shaken him to the very core of his being, which it had indeed done, but also the realization that he could, very simply, still love at all. After so many years of playing the villain, of pretending that this emotion had been lost to him forever, it had turned his world upside down to realize that it had only been lying dormant inside him, waiting to be reawakened. And suddenly, it had not only been his love for Darcy that he had had to come to terms with, but also his love for Frigga. And finally admitting to himself that he had loved her as any child loved its mother had been almost as painful as losing her all over again. He had grieved her a second time, but his emotional mayhem had not stopped there. Much to his displeasure, he had also had to admit that his animosity toward Thor had similarly been overplayed, and that he still harbored some brotherly affection for the oaf, however slight. Indeed, the only member of his adoptive family that he felt sure he would never feel love for again was Odin, not that he expected anything more of the Allfather in return.

“Oh, Brother!” Thor whispered loudly, his face lighting up. “Then you are the luckiest Frost Giant on this planet, because I have also seen the way that she looks at you, and I am certain that your feelings are not unrequited!”

Loki had to actually come to a full stop and stare at Thor incredulously for a moment. He had been fully expecting a lecture on why he and Darcy could never function romantically, and even threats to keep away from the girl. Somehow, what he had just ended up getting in reality was so, so much worse.

“You think that I do not know that?” he growled, resuming his walking in pursuit of the women. Darcy and Jane had now gotten so far ahead of him and Thor, he felt certain that this conversation would not be overheard.

And yes, he was well aware of Darcy’s unfortunate attraction to him. He had begun suspecting it since shortly after the incident in the alley—a defining night for the both of them, it seemed—but he could not be certain of it until he had subjected Darcy to a simple test—an almost-kiss in the summer heat. She had been aching to give herself to him in that moment, and that had been when his worst fear had been realized.

“Then I do not understand,” Thor muttered quietly, his brow furrowed in confusion. “If you know that she desires you, why have you not yet acted on your mutual affinity?”

“You are an idiot,” Loki said tiredly. “I know that I say this often, but this time, I really mean it.”

“And one of these days, I will punch you in the face for it,” Thor said cheerfully. “But today, I will settle for a mere explanation as to what makes me an idiot this time around.”

Loki sighed. Thor’s attempt at humor had done nothing to ease his impatience with the thunder god. “My dear, dear brother, do you not remember the circumstances under which I arrived on this planet?”

“Of course I do. Father banished you for impersonating him and usurping the throne.”

“Correct. And do you remember what caused my most clever ruse to be so inconveniently uncovered?”

“You were attacked. By a bounty hunter, was it not?”

“Mhm. And why was said bounty hunter after me?”

“Because Thanos put a price on your head.”

Loki clapped Thor on the shoulder. “Good job, Brother. Turns out you are not as braindead as I thought you were. But now riddle me this: Why in the Nine Realms would I, a fugitive wanted by the most dangerous being in the galaxy, act upon my feelings for Darcy, the woman whom I love and whom I would never want to see come to harm, when romantic involvement with me would put her in danger of being used as bait, or as leverage? Put her in further danger, that is,” the trickster added bitterly.

He hated himself. He hated himself for having grown so close with Darcy over the past six months that he could now honestly and with no pretense call her his best friend. He hated himself for subjecting her to the danger that he knew their closeness was putting her in. He hated himself for being too weak to push her away. And he had tried to push her away. The night that it had happened, the night that he had finally known, he had run after her down the lamplit street, panicked and disoriented, but even then there had been no doubt in his mind that he would have to find a way to make her despise him. And how lucky for him that the opportunity to do just that would be granted to him mere minutes later. Yes, he had hoped that making her believe he had abandoned her in that alley alone with that man would mean the end of their friendship. He had hoped that she would never speak to him again. He had felt sickened with himself for frightening her like that, for hurting her like that, but the knowledge that he was doing it for her own safety had allowed him to follow through with his dark act without faltering.

But Darcy had yet again defied his expectations, although in retrospect, he knew that he should have never expected anything less of her. Rather than cut him out as he had wanted her to, she had elected to be the bigger person and to attempt to fix what he had purposefully broken. And as she had stood in his quarters, explaining herself to him even when she knew she had done nothing wrong, unknowingly fueling the guilt that had been eating him alive, he knew for a fact that he would never be able to hurt her again.

But he could not bear to distance himself from her either. He was too weak to fight that invisible force that drew him to her like a cave moth to a burning candle. But the trouble with moths and candles was that candles were often used to lure moths, and trap them, and worse still, once they had served their purpose, the candles’ flames were normally snuffed out . . . .

No, there was no denying the fact that Loki Odinson was no longer capable of being anything less than friends with Darcy Lewis, but he at least still possessed enough self-restraint to prevent their relationship from evolving into anything more.

“That is the poorest excuse you could have given me for not being with her, Brother,” Thor said, shaking his head slightly. “Believe me, for I speak from personal experience.”

Either this was opposite day, Loki thought, or Thor had truly gone off his rocker, because for the second time that day, the thunder god had said the exact opposite of what the God of Mischief had expected him to say.

“‘Personal experience’, Thor?” Loki asked his brother incredulously. “You do not have personal experience with Thanos. You have no idea what he is capable—”

“How long has it been since we finished calibrating S.E.E.R. to track the Aether?” Thor interrupted suddenly. “Two months? And what of the Tesseract? Over five months now? And how long has it been since Thanos was truly a threat to you? Oh, yes, that is right: six months. Six months and no sign of Thanos, the Infinity Stones, or any more bounty hunters. Has it therefore not occurred to you that this Thanos might be long dead?”

Loki sighed. His brother’s daftness was reaching new limits. “Had Thanos died, Brother, your father would have sent a messenger to inform you.”

“Unless he is not aware of his death. Not even the Allfather can know everything.”

“That does not change the fact that Thanos is more than likely still alive and well.”

“How long then?”

“How long what?”

“How long will you wait until you will allow yourself to be with her?”

“Until I have definite proof that Thanos is either dead or well and truly defeated.” Come on, Thor. Your questions are just getting more and more idiotic.

“And what if you never receive this proof? What if Thanos dies in some gods-forsaken corner of the galaxy and no one is there to witness it?”

“Then Darcy will simply have to find a different object for her affections.”

“As I am sure that she can,” Thor said, sighing. “But now the question is, what will become of you if she does?”

“What are you talking about?” Loki snapped.

Thor was looking at Loki almost apologetically now. “Have you not realized what is happening, Brother?” he asked gently. “The S.E.E.R. project is finished. Erik is teaching again, so he already practically has one foot out the door . . . . You are helping Jane complete her Convergence research, which is most gracious of you, but how much longer do you think that will take? Five months? Six at the greatest? And then what? Tony says the publishing of Jane’s research will make her the most sought-after astrophysicist in this world, so there is no telling where her next job will take her . . . .”

“So, what you are saying is that I have, at most, six months left to live under the same roof as Jane, Darcy, Erik, and you, after which it’s ‘good riddance, Loki’?” the mischief god asked tersely.

“It is not as if we will force you out. But . . . .” Thor trailed off, rubbing his beard restlessly. He looked most uncomfortable. “All right, I will be the first to admit that when Jane and I agreed to harbor you, we did not think the implications of doing so . . . quite through to the end. As in, we never actually discussed what would happen to you once it no longer became possible for us to remain in London. I think that the both of us wordlessly assumed that Thanos would have attacked Midgard by now, and that your active involvement in his defeat would have exonerated you both in the eyes of the Allfather and the Avengers. But Thanos has not attacked, and with every passing day, his doing so is becoming less and less likely. But our lives cannot be put on hold because of that! Jane will find another job, and she and I will have no other choice but to relocate. And I honestly do not know whether it will be possible for us to keep concealing you from the world once we do! Erik’s mind is well enough now for him to support himself on his own again, thank the gods, so he will remain teaching in London, but I know for a fact that he will not want you living with him, either. So what will become of you and Darcy is a question that I simply do not have the answer to, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

“Darcy?” Loki asked immediately. “What of Darcy? She will go with Jane, will she not?” Prior to this outburst, he had listened to Thor without interruption, reluctantly understanding and accepting all of his brother’s words. But how Darcy pictured into Loki’s future problems, the God of Lies did not understand.

“Darcy would follow Jane to the edge of this world, and beyond,” Thor said, smiling sadly. “The true question is, is that what she wants?”

“Of course that is what she wants,” Loki said irritably. “She has been following Jane for years, has she not?”

“She has,” Thor said.

“So what are you on about?”

“Have you not wondered why she has stayed with Jane all this time? When she has no intellectual interest in astrophysics?”

“Not particularly,” Loki answered truthfully.

“Well, I had,” Thor said. “For a while. But I simply could not place it. But eventually, I came to make a realization: In the entire time that I had known Darcy, I had never once seen her make contact with her family. Not even on her birthday. Of course, I asked Jane about it, and she revealed to me that Darcy’s parents are alive, but that Darcy had not spoken with them since before she had started college.”

Thor paused, seemingly to allow the gravity of what he had just said to weigh in on Loki, and with a great twinge of guilt, Loki was forced to remember that he was only person in whom Darcy had chosen to confide her twisted family history.

“I do not know what happened between her and her parents, but I do believe that before meeting Jane, Darcy was alone for a long, long time,” Thor continued. “Not physically, but . . . in her soul. And I also believe that being alone again is what she is most afraid of, and that that is the reason why she has stayed with Jane for so long.”

Loki remained silent. He knew for a fact that Thor was right about the first part, and he suspected that he was right about the second part too.

“Jane is the sister of her soul,” Thor went on, “but she is not the only family she has, is she? Not anymore. And I am confident that if only you were to let her into your heart, she would choose to go with you over Jane and me.”

“By the Allfather, Thor, are you joking?” Loki demanded incredulously. “What kind of life could she possibly lead with me? You asked me what will become of me once I am alone again, and I think I have an answer for you. I will have to disappear, won’t I? Go underground and hide out in this realm until either Thanos bites it or I do. I will have to fake my identity, acquire money in ways that will be far from legal, become a criminal by Midgardian standards. A life hardly worthy of—” He almost said “the woman I’d make my queen”, but thought better of it. Better not add fuel to Thor’s already raging fire. “Of someone like Darcy,” he finished instead.

“There might be another way,” Thor said.

“There is no other way,” Loki retorted.

“You could turn yourself in to Tony Stark,” Thor replied levelly.

Before Loki could stop himself, he gave out a loud, bark-like laugh. Twenty feet in front of him, Darcy and Jane turned around and stared at him bewilderedly. Thor smiled at them innocently, and incredibly, this was enough to reassure them into continuing walking.

“You might have lost your mind, Brother,” Loki muttered at Thor under his breath, “but I can assure you that the same cannot be said for me. What in Helheim could have even made you propose such a thing?”

“I am only trying to gain you absolution,” Thor said genuinely.

“Right,” Loki said sarcastically. “Because all I have to do is turn myself in, and Tony and the other costumed idiots will pardon me on the spot.”

“Oh, no, they will surely wish to imprison you for the remainder of your days,” Thor said, raising his eyebrows, his tone forcedly serious in response to Loki’s sarcasm. “But if Jane, Darcy, Erik, and I all vouch for you, I am certain that it would convince them to shorten the sentence a bit.”

“No prison on Earth could hold me,” Loki said dismissively.

“Unless you let it,” Thor said carefully. “Unless you do your time not because you have to, but because you want to. Because you want to show the people of this realm that you truly are trying to do better by them.”

“And for how long would you expect me to willingly rot in a cell?” Loki asked, his voice full of irony.

“Well . . .” Thor began, scratching his head, “. . . taking into account your warning regarding Thanos, your irreplaceable contribution to the development of Project S.E.E.R., and the fact that your behavior has already been relatively excellent for six months, I would like to say that three years would be a reasonable amount of time for Jane, Darcy, Erik, and I to aim for when trying to sway the other Avengers in your favor.”

Loki scoffed. “No sane person would willingly stay in prison for three years.”

“But would it not be worth the freedom?” Thor asked impatiently. “The freedom to go wherever you want, to live with whomever you want, without fear of encountering an Avenger who would still believe you to be the enemy? And if it is the prospect of loneliness that troubles you, I am sure that Darcy would come to visit you—”

“No,” Loki snarled suddenly, but then quickly regained his composure. “It is a foolish idea, Brother,” he said a little more calmly. “It simply would not work.”

Thor was looking at him shrewdly. “Are you afraid that she would not wait for you?”

“Of course not,” Loki snapped.

Thor continued studying him closely. “By the Entities, you are afraid that she would.”

Loki gritted his teeth, his lips pressed together tightly, but he did not say anything.

Thor sighed. “Loki,” he said, placing a broad hand on Loki’s back as they walked.

Loki had half a mind to shrug it off, but the contact was, in some strange way, comforting.

“Brother,” Thor continued. “Listen to me, and listen to me closely. When I told you that I was speaking from personal experience, I did not mean experience with Thanos, I meant my experience with Jane. You see, I once found myself in the same boat with Jane as you now find yourself with Darcy. She cared about me, and I cared about her, but instead of being with her, I distanced myself from her. Because I thought that my world as an Avenger and as a prince of Asgard was too dangerous for her.”

“I cannot believe that I am about to say this,” Loki muttered, “but you made a wise decision, Brother.”

“No, I did not,” Thor said gruffly. “In fact, I made an idiotic decision. One of the more idiotic decisions of my life. If it had not taken me so long to realize that one cannot control the universe and especially not the people living in it, Jane and I could have been together for years now. But I thought I knew what was best for Jane better than she knew herself, and unsurprisingly, I was wrong.”

“How is being with you what is best for her?” Loki demanded. “When associating with you puts her in danger? She is a target now for any of your given enemies.”

“Do you think she does not know or accept that?” Thor asked, smiling at Jane’s form fondly. “Being with me is her choice, as it should always have been. I had no right to take it away from her, and I now regret immensely that I did. So do yourself a favor, Brother, and try not to make the same mistake. Darcy is a grown woman; she can decide on her own whether being with you would be worth whatever danger it might put her in. You say you want what is best for her? Then be a man and let the girl think for herself. You will not regret it, trust me.”

With that, Thor clapped Loki once on the back and then left his side, jogging to catch up with Darcy and Jane. Catching sight of her lover, Jane beamed at him and took his hand, interlacing her fingers with his. Darcy looked back at Loki questioningly, and he forced himself to smile at her. Behind her, the great Ferris wheel, the London Eye, was just coming into view.

Thor understood nothing, Loki thought to himself bitterly as he increased his pace so as to catch up with the others before they reached the pier. And how could he? He had no idea what it was like to love and lose somebody and have it be entirely his fault. But Loki knew. For the rest of his life, he would know.

He killed Frigga, but gods help him, he would not kill Darcy too.