Shop More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Member JulesFemale/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 466 Deviations 2,846 Comments 7,574 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Random Favourites


Title: Family
Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe, post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier AU
Genre: Romance/humor/drama/adventure
Pairings: Darcy/Loki, Thor/Jane
Rating: T
Summary: When Loki, now a wanted man thanks to his disappointment of Thanos, is outed as Odin's usurper, the Allfather decides not to waste his time harboring a fugitive, and simply banishes his rebellious Jotun son from Asgard. And Darcy Lewis just wanted breakfast, not for the psychopath who tried to take over Earth to come seeking refuge at the last place imaginable. Post-CA: TWS. L/D.

Chapter 7

With the shampoo and superglue stowed safely away within the depths of her purse, Darcy walked home from the supermarket with a feeling of increasing excitement at the prospect of pulling a successful prank on the trickster god himself. But considering who she was dealing with, she knew her planning would have to be impeccable for her to have any chance of success, at all. And there were still certain issues to be resolved.

But by the honor of her beautiful, flowing locks, Darcy was well on her way in resolving them.

The first and perhaps the most important issue had been targeting. How could Darcy make sure that Loki and only Loki used her “special surprise” shampoo? But thankfully, she had found her answer inside the supermarket itself. After having wandered the hair-products aisle, having stared hopelessly at the shelving housing the men’s generic, boring shampoos, she had dared a peek into the women’s far more colorful, more expansive section. And that is when the answer had hit her—color. Loki was the only person living in their apartment with black hair. And sure enough, the supermarket had carried a line of color specific, color-boosting shampoos. Women’s shampoos, true, but since everyone in the apartment already used Jane’s girly shampoo, Darcy had figured Loki wouldn’t think twice of it. And so, she had grabbed “Elegant Ebony” for His Princelypants, and then had continued on to the home-maintenance section.

But next came the issue of delivery. Darcy could not simply walk up to one likely expecting to be pranked by her and hand him a bottle of shampoo. Because that would be suspicious as shit. So, she would need to devise a way to introduce Loki to the shampoo without it seeming strange. A Trojan horse, perhaps? But surely the God of Mischief and Lies wouldn’t be that easy to fool? So perhaps she would need to introduce a decoy, as well, something that would appear suspicious and would draw Loki’s attention away from the shampoo.

So, Darcy realized, so far her plan consisted of making Loki actually expect a prank, making him believe the prank would be something it would, in fact, not be, and all the while, unbeknownst to him, setting him up for the real prank. These were dangerous waters she was treading, but thankfully, she had a feeling Loki would be too blinded by his own arrogance to believe her capable of coming up with a plan this complicated. Of course, she herself still didn’t know what her Trojan horse or the decoy prank would be, so, for tonight, she resigned to simply preparing the “special” shampoo and then hiding it somewhere deep in her and Jane’s room, until the time came. And until then, she would work on step one: acting how Loki would expect her to act if he believed she was planning on pulling a prank on him. And since she was pretty sure he would underestimate her and her pranking abilities, she decided she would act as any amateur prankster would act when trying to mislead the one she wished to get back at: like the original prank had been forgiven, and no grudges were being held.


It was the day following the Incident, as Darcy had come to refer to it in her head, and she was, plainly and simply, insulted. She had performed her nice act flawlessly all morning, even going as far as making the dickhead coffee (decaf, of course—gods knew those Asgardians couldn’t hold their caffeine), and just as she had planned, Loki had grown suspicious, sneering at her like he knew something, to which she had replied with her best innocent face. But as the day had continued on, and the rest of the apartment’s inhabitants had emerged from their bedrooms, Darcy had realized that it was Thor Loki was suspicious of, not her. Which meant that he must think she had tattled on him to his brother-slash-guardian. Hence, the insult. Because nobody fought Darcy’s battles other than Darcy herself. And Loki would soon learn this first hand.

To Darcy’s relief, by the end of the day, after Thor hadn’t done anything that would even remotely suggest that he knew about the Incident, Loki’s suspicions had finally shifted from Thor to Darcy. As for Darcy herself, well, once Thor and Jane had filled her in on the whole Thanos-having-the-Aether-and-all-of-it-being-entirely-Loki’s-fault situation, her desire to put glue in Loki’s hair had increased exponentially.

Loki cornered her outside the bathroom that night, using his height to its full advantage to tower over her in what she assumed he thought was a menacing manner. “You’re playing with fire, Little Mortal,” he said, the smirk evident not on his lips, but in his eyes. “Careful you don’t get burned.” And that was it. After he walked away, Darcy went to bed feeling utterly satisfied with herself. Step one: complete.


The following morning, as had become their routine over the past two days, once Darcy had gotten out of bed, Thor immediately took her spot to enjoy the company of his beloved Jane. Darcy, meanwhile, went to the kitchen to enjoy the company of her beloved Lucky Charms. Opening the kitchen cupboards, however, she was in for a stark reminder that she had actually finished the last of the magically delicious cereal yesterday. Disappointed that she would now have to wait to indulge herself until the next time Thor and Jane went grocery shopping, she went to scavenge for her breakfast in the fridge, instead. And then it hit her. Grocery shopping. Her Trojan horse. If she could make it look like she was bringing Loki’s shampoo home along with a bunch of groceries, then Loki might not suspect it, at all. But Darcy didn’t normally go grocery shopping—Thor and Jane did. So were she to come home with a load of groceries completely out of the blue, Thor and Jane would be certain to ask questions. Now, Darcy was pretty positive they would buy any excuse she gave them, but Loki? Somehow, she didn’t think so. And the shampoo, the only item among the groceries that would be targeted specifically at him, would still be more suspicious than not.

Her spirits dropping, Darcy realized that the only scenario in which Loki probably wouldn’t suspect the shampoo at all would be one in which she bought something alongside it that would instill as much doubt in him as the shampoo. Basically, she needed her decoy prank, and she needed it fast. Come on, Darce, just think of something predictable Loki would see coming from a mile away. Seriously, she had had less trouble coming up with the glue-in-the-shampoo-bottle prank, and that was her pièce de résistance. As she continued racking her brain for ideas, which, admittedly, was hard to do, as she hadn’t had her morning coffee yet, her phone dinged. Taking it out of her shorts pocket, she found a text from Ian: “Hey, Darling. A bud of mine’s picking up a pup from the pound today, thought you might wanna come along and see the dogs. I also heard they’re doing a sort of doggy-food drive, if you wanna donate something. Anyways, let me know. I love you.”

“Okay, random,” Darcy said to herself, putting her phone back in her pocket. Didn’t Ian know she wasn’t into dogs? Or birds. Ugh, especially not birds. Also, even if there was old dog food lying around the house for whatever reason, she’d probably try to feed it to Loki first.

Oh, gods.

Darcy Lewis, you’re a genius.

She had it, she had her decoy prank. If she could somehow convince Loki that she was trying to feed him a can of dog food, this would probably draw his attention away from the shampoo altogether. Not to mention, dog food was something that could be easily bought at the supermarket.

Darcy thought fast. No one else was up yet, so now was the perfect time to slip out without getting asked questions. She just needed her purse, a change of clothes, and the shampoo. All of which were in her and Jane’s room.

Opening the bedroom door stealthily, Darcy slipped inside. Both Thor and Jane appeared to be asleep, so she began quietly making her way across the room to the closet. On the floor beside it, she found her purse from two days ago, already containing her wallet and all the personal belongings she normally took with her when going out. From inside the closet, she hastily picked out an outfit—skinny jeans and a thigh-length button-down indigo shirt—and then, from an old Crocs shoebox at the very back of the closet, she took out Loki’s Elegant Ebony shampoo, and immediately hid it inside her purse. Finally, carrying her purse and her outfit, she slipped out of the bedroom, her presence having gone entirely unnoticed.

She changed quickly in the bathroom, and then attacked her hair with a hairbrush. With no time to pick out shoes, she settled for her violently pink flip-flops. And then, just as she heard stirring coming from Thor and His Princelypants’ room, she practically flew out the door.

She returned about an hour later, laden with three full grocery bags. Letting herself into the apartment, she carried the bags into the kitchen, where she found Thor, Jane, and Loki. The two lovebirds were crowding around the stove, cooking—if Darcy’s nose knew its breakfast foods—buttermilk pancakes, while the sociopath sat at the computer desk—well, okay, it was more of a bar, really—typing some incomprehensible shit vigorously into the computer.

Darcy set the grocery bags and her purse down on the kitchen table, earning herself turned heads and confused expressions from both Jane and Thor.

“Darcy, are those . . . groceries?” Jane asked, looking at Darcy like she had just brought home a magical unicorn, rather than three plastic bags.

“Yeppers,” Darcy replied. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Oh, yes, thank you—sorry,” Jane spluttered. “It’s just . . . kind of uncharacteristic of you, that’s all.”

“Well . . . yeah, I suppose,” Darcy said, knowing full well Jane was right. “I just saw we were out of Lucky Charms this morning, and I was really craving some, so I decided to go to the supermarket to get some, and then I just ended up buying a whole bunch of other stuff.”

“Oh, no need to explain yourself, Darce,” Jane said, visibly fighting back a laugh. “Honestly, I wish you’d feel inspired to do this more often.”

“No promises,” Darcy said, treating Jane to a small smile. “But enough chitchat—come and see what I bought, guys!”

Thor and Jane stepped forward to crowd around the kitchen table, instead.

“So,” Darcy said, taking three cereal boxes out of the first grocery bag and setting them down on the table, “I decided I better get more of all our cereal, so here’s Lucky Charms, your Shreddies, Jane, and Erik’s Raisin Bran.” Out of the corner of her eye, Darcy noticed that Loki had stopped typing. He looked like he was reading over what he had just written, but Darcy was pretty sure he was listening to her, too. She continued taking items out of the grocery bag. “Then, I decided to stock up on all the essentials—so, frozen pizzas, ice cream, pancake mix, and of course, Pop-Tarts.”

“‘Essentials’, Darcy?” Jane asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Yes,” Darcy and Thor answered simultaneously.

Jane shook her head, defeated. “Please tell me that’s not all you bought?”

“Oh, no, I bought random things, too,” Darcy said innocently, beginning to remove items from the second grocery bag. “Eggs, milk, bread, butter, cheese, toilet paper.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jane said.

“No, thank me,” Darcy said. “Oh, and I got shampoos for everyone.” She removed the three remaining items from the second grocery bag. “Check it out, guys—they’re designed to boost everyone’s specific hair color.”

Thor picked up one of the three shampoo bottles curiously. “‘Bodacious Blonde’,” he read from the label. He then grinned excitedly. “That is I!”

“Yep, that’s for you and Erik, Thoréal,” Darcy said, trying to hide her amusement at Thor’s enthusiasm. She then picked up the second bottle and showed it to Jane. “And ‘Beautiful Brunette’ is for us, Boss Lady.”

“Ooh, thank you, Darcy,” Jane said, looking slightly flattered, and took the bottle from Darcy to have a closer look.

“Who is the third bottle for?” Thor asked, putting down Bodacious Blonde and picking up the only remaining bottle. “‘Elegant Ebony’,” he read, his eyebrows knitting together. “Is this for Loki?”

“Well, I couldn’t just let him be the only one to not get his own special shampoo, Thor,” Darcy said, mock sincerity thick in her voice. “I didn’t think His Princelypants would take too kindly to that.”

“It was thoughtful of you, and I thank you on his behalf,” Thor said, looking highly amused by the title Darcy had bestowed upon the mischief god. He then turned to the trickster, saying, “Oi, Brother, Lady Darcy has purchased you soap for your hair. I expect you to give her your thanks.”

Loki pretended not to hear, and resumed typing data into the desktop.

“Don’t worry about it, Thunder Wonder,” Darcy said, flashing Thor a big, hopefully-not-too-fake-looking smile. Enough calling attention to the shampoo, now, please.

“So, what’s in the third bag?” Jane asked, right on cue. “More Pop-Tarts and Lucky Charms?”

“Nope,” Darcy replied, and started emptying the final bag onto the tabletop. “Here we have lean ground beef, kidney beans, onions, garlic, tomatoes, and most importantly, fresh green chile peppers.”

“Darcy, is this—” Jane began.

“Just about everything you might need to make an authentic New Mexico chili con carne?” Darcy interrupted. “Yes. Let’s just say Lucky Charms wasn’t the only thing I was craving. I trust that we still have vegetable oil and all the necessary spices?”

“We should,” Jane said, looking undeniably excited. “Can’t wait for you to make it, Darce. It’s been so long since we’ve had it.”

Darcy grinned at her Boss Lady, knowing exactly how she felt. “I’ll definitely try to make it sometime this week.”

“What is ‘chili con carne’?” Thor asked. He was staring at the pile of ingredients on the table, clearly not understanding how they could all fit together into food.

“You’ll love it, Sweetheart, don’t worry,” Jane replied. “It’s something we learned to cook in Puente Antiguo. Darcy definitely makes it best, though.”

“Aw, you’re too kind, Boo-Boo,” Darcy said sweetly. “But also right. Anyway, I’m just gonna go put my purse in our room, and then I’ll come back and help you guys put all this stuff away.”

“Wait, what’s that?” Jane asked, pointing at the bag that had contained the chili ingredients.

“What’s what?” Darcy asked, feigning obliviousness.

“You left a can in the bag. Is it for the chili, too?”

Darcy stared at the bag in her best imitation of confusion, and then faked a perfect flustered realization. “What?” she said, very defensively, shooting a sidelong glance at Loki’s back. She hoped he could see her expression in the reflection of his computer screen. “Of course it’s not for the chili. It’s, uh, dog food, actually.” She took the can out of the bag and showed it to Jane.

“We do not have a dog, Darcy,” Thor pointed out.

I could argue that point, Darcy thought to herself. “Well, obviously not,” she said. “I’m donating it. Ian invited me to the dog shelter today, and they’re doing a dog-food drive of some kind.”

“Oh, that’s very nice of you,” Jane said. “But I thought you didn’t like dogs?”

“Uh, just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean I won’t help them out,” Darcy said, trying to sound defensive again. “Jeez, Jane, I’m not some heartless monster.”

“Oh, no, no, that’s not what I was trying to say, at all!” Jane said immediately, looking embarrassed. “What you’re doing is very kind. If everyone in the world thought the way you do, the world would be a better place. Really.”

Darcy decided she could drop the defensiveness act now, for Jane’s sake. “Oh, sorry, Jane. Didn’t mean to flip out like that.”

“It’s okay,” Jane said, smiling weakly. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s all right,” Darcy said, then picked up her purse and the can of dog food. “I’ll be right back.” She went into her and Jane’s room, shut the door behind her, and then grinned to herself triumphantly. That couldn’t have gone any better. There was simply no way Loki didn’t find the dog food more suspicious than the shampoo now. Darcy put down her purse, and then proceeded to hide the can in her underwear drawer. No need to hide it particularly well—if Loki came snooping and found it, it would only fuel his suspicion of it and draw his attention further away from the shampoo. She’d keep it hidden there, and then, after she had successfully pranked the asshole, she would donate it to the shelter.

All there was left to do now was to wait.


And wait she did. For four fucking days.

It was Saturday, day six following the Incident, exactly one week since the reason they couldn’t have nice things had arrived on their balcony, and Darcy was just about ready to strangle the dick. With each passing day that the Elegant Ebony shampoo had remained unused, Darcy had slowly grown to accept a truth that was more than obvious to her now: Loki, although Darcy was certain he also suspected the dog food in her underwear drawer, still suspected the shampoo, and would more than likely not stop suspecting it until she actually attempted to feed him some dog-food chili. Four days ago, this wouldn’t have been a problem.

Four days ago, she had been resenting the idea that she had been cursed to spend every morning at the flat in the company of Loki and Loki alone. Loki had been waking up every morning around the same time as her and Thor, but then Thor would disappear to cuddle with Jane, leaving Darcy all alone with the broody Frost not-so-Giant-but-still-pretty-damn-tall.

But apparently, Loki had just been settling into London time, and after his internal clock had reset itself, his sleep cycle had come to resemble more that of Jane’s, meaning he now woke up no earlier than 11:00 AM, just about the same time as Jane, Thor, and normally, Erik, got out bed. Darcy could only assume geniuses in general required more sleep.

Of course, initially she had been ecstatic about no longer having to spend awkward alone time with Thor’s adopted evil brother, but now, when the very success of her prank depended on her being alone with him long enough to pretend to cook him dog-food chili, she wished it had taken his brain longer to adjust itself to the new time zone.

Now, she had no idea whether she should bide her time for the opportune moment, or just come up with a whole new decoy prank.

But it appeared not everything was meant to go to shit, because that very afternoon, she would receive her answer.

It was shortly after breakfast (lunch? Brunch?), and everyone was in the kitchen, working. (Okay, everyone except Thor. Thor wasn’t working. Thor was playing Candy Crush on Darcy’s iPhone.) Darcy had swallowed her comments of disapproval at the fact that she was being forced to work on a Saturday—apparently, this Infinity Stone tracking device was important or something—and was now busy typing some of the notes Jane had given her into her laptop. Jane had always preferred to write her thoughts, ideas, and equations out on paper, but unfortunately for Darcy, Loki wasn’t overly fond of trying to decipher Jane’s chicken scratch, which is why Darcy had been officially tasked with transferring any and all of Jane’s relevant handwritten notes into digital form and then forwarding them to Loki’s desktop. It was a painstakingly boring process, but Darcy was playing her part in protecting humanity or whatever.

About an hour of this, and then Jane, Loki, and Erik all looked at the desktop computer screen, sat back in their chairs, and said, “Huh.”

“‘Huh’?” Darcy repeated, looking up, her vision swimming from having stared too long at her own computer screen. “Was that a good huh or a bad huh?”

“I think we have it,” Jane said.

Loki and Erik nodded.

“Have what?” Darcy asked, readjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose.

“I think if we go to him with this,” Jane continued, “he’s bound to approve it.”

Who’s bound to approve what?” Darcy tried once more.

“Be damned, vile creature!” Thor cried out suddenly from his spot across the kitchen table, throwing his arms up in rage at Darcy’s iPhone.

Jane turned around immediately. “What happened, Sweetheart?”

Thor forcefully slid the phone across the table to Darcy. “Odus has fallen off the moon, thus robbing me of my last remaining life! Tell me, what is the point of his being an owl when he cannot fly to save himself?”

“Well, um,” Jane began, then paused and scratched the back of her head. “I’m not sure, actually. But I do have some good news for you.”

“Yeah, okay, so Thor doesn’t even need to ask to be told what’s up,” Darcy huffed indignantly.

“What was that, Darce?” Jane asked.

Never mind,” Darcy growled through gritted teeth. She saw Loki’s blues land on her for a fraction of a second, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. She scowled at him.

“What is your news, my love?” Thor asked, turning sideways in his chair, so he could give Jane his undivided attention.

“Well, I believe,” Jane said, “and I think Loki and Erik will agree with me here, that we are ready to take this project in to be reviewed by Stark.”

Darcy gaped. “What, legit? Because just yesterday you were complaining about us having no solid data and a just a half-written proposal.”

Jane looked away sheepishly. “The proposal is fully written now . . . .”

“Okay, then what about the no-data part? Are we even close to converting the Eternity Rocks’ magical-signature thingies into science terms yet?”

Jane sighed, looking down at the floor as she ran her fingers through her hair. “No. But we can’t go forward with that until we get Tony’s approval, and even better, get our hands on Project S.E.E.R.”

“Who or what is this seer you speak of?” Loki asked.

“Oh, boy . . . .” Darcy said to herself. “Hold on to your butts, everyone . . . .”

“S.E.E.R., as in Surveyor of Extreme Electromagnetic Recurrences,” Jane said, suddenly looking very excited. She pulled her huge, industrial-grade tablet toward her, and brought up a complicated-looking blueprint. “I came up with the name myself,” she added.

“And what a coincidence that it spells out S.E.E.R.,” Darcy said sarcastically.

“Is it a machine?” Loki asked, turning the tablet toward himself and beginning to study the diagram.

“Oh, it’s more like Jane’s baby,” Darcy said.

Loki appeared slightly surprised by this, and turned to Jane with a quizzical expression on his face.

“Not an actual baby,” Jane said, with a flustered smile. “Darcy just calls it that because it was my first, and, well, now only, S.H.I.E.L.D. project. When Thor came back for good, he swore an oath to S.H.I.E.L.D. that he would protect humanity at all costs, and in return, he asked only that S.H.I.E.L.D. give Erik, Darcy, and I proper paying jobs. So Director Fury, may he rest in peace, put us at the forefront of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s newest project—practically handed it over to us, actually—telling Erik and I to design a machine that, when connected to the S.H.I.E.L.D. satellite network, could pinpoint the event of an opening Bifrost wormhole anywhere on this planet. It’s the plans for this machine that you’re looking at now, Loki.”

“I helped, by the way,” Darcy interjected. “With . . . coffee and stuff.”

“Was the machine ever constructed?” Loki asked, studying the blueprint with increased interest now.

“Oh, yes,” Erik said, with a warm smile directed at Jane. “It was even operational for three months, before S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed.”

Jane flushed slightly. “Yeah, but it was a constant work in progress. S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted us to make it better, more precise. They wanted it to be capable of instantaneous detection, which we just weren’t getting.”

“And what is the project’s status now?” Loki asked.

“The project died along with S.H.I.E.L.D., but the S.E.E.R. machine itself survived the HYDRA attacks,” Jane said. “Tony now has it in storage, but says it’s nonoperational.”

“But you believe it can be of use to us?”

“Absolutely. If we can get it up and running and get it reconnected to even some of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s satellites, we’ll have access to surface energy readings from around the globe. Then it’s just a matter of providing it with the criteria of what to actually search for.”

“I see,” Loki said. “And is there any chance the Man of Iron will not grant you access to this machine?”

“Doubtful,” Jane said. “If our proposal convinces him to fund this project instead of the Convergence aftermath research he’s having Erik, Darcy, and I do now, I don’t see why he wouldn’t let us have it. Really, it’s just a matter of getting him to approve the project.”

“And I doubt we will have any trouble with that, my love,” Thor said encouragingly. “Are you not due to deliver your monthly progress report to him next week? Perhaps then would be a good time to present your proposal, as well.”

Jane froze, suddenly going white in the face. “Uh, Sweetheart, what’s the date today?”

Thor shrugged, so Darcy quickly checked on her phone. “The tenth,” she said.

Jane squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose. “This week. The progress report was due this week. I’m just gonna go call him right now and set everything up.”

Taking her phone, Jane disappeared into the quiet of her and Darcy’s bedroom, and the immediate silence that descended upon the living area was a true testament to her unparalleled equalizing abilities.

Jane reappeared a rather awkward ten minutes later. “He’s cleared time out of his schedule to be able to see us tomorrow, all travel expenses paid,” she said.

“Excellent!” Thor said.

Something clicked in Darcy’s head. “Who’s going?” she asked.

“Well, Erik and I have to go, since it’s our Convergence research and our names on the proposal,” Jane said. “And I believe Tony expects to see Thor, as well.”

“As I him,” Thor said, grinning excitedly.

“Loki obviously won’t be going,” Jane continued. “And as for you, Darce, well, it’s up to you. But I do remember how much you kicked it off with J.A.R.V.I.S. the last couple of times we went, so I’m assuming you’ll be going this time, as well?”

While it was true that Darcy had somehow managed to become the best of friends with Tony Stark’s artificially intelligent butler, and that the idea of getting to chill with him again was indeed very enticing, she nevertheless had her hair’s honor to reclaim, and that took precedence. So, taking a page out of the playbook of lazy schoolchildren everywhere, she performed an elaborate reenactment of a sickly, wet cough, and said, “Ugh, Jane, to be honest, I’ve been feeling a little under the weather all day today. I think I should just stay home tomorrow and take it easy.”

Jane looked absolutely horrified by the news, her mother hen nature coming through in spades. “Oh, Darcy, why didn’t you say anything earlier? I wouldn’t have made you work today if I knew you were feeling sick.”

Darcy dismissed Jane’s concerns with a wave of her hand. “Psh, it’s all good. I’m not feeling that sick, really.”

Jane nodded, though her face showed she wasn’t entirely convinced. “Are you sure about tomorrow, though? You won’t come even if you’re feeling better by morning?”

“Oh, if I’m feeling better, I’ll definitely go,” Darcy lied. “And if not, it’s no big deal, really. I’m sure I’ll get to hang out with J.A.R.V.I.S. some other time. Oh, and since I’ll have nothing to do all day tomorrow, I can make chili in time for your guys’ return, yay!”

Jane frowned, still looking genuinely upset by Darcy’s not going. “Your body really chose the worst possible time to get sick, didn’t it? Hopefully those chile peppers will give your immune system the kick in the pants it needs, then.”

Darcy grinned, trying to ease Jane’s worries. “Hopefully.”

“I’ll wake you up when my alarm goes off tomorrow, to see if you’re feeling any better, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Darcy said.

“All right, then you’re done for the day, young lady,” Jane said, furrowing her eyebrows at Darcy to showcase her disapproval. “Go get some rest, and no more working when you’re sick, understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Darcy said, snapping her laptop shut and getting up from the kitchen table. She then turned to Jane and saluted. “Have yourself a good day, ma’am.” Then, her laptop and phone in tow, she set off toward the fortress of solitude that was the not-living room.

Tonight would be a night of peace and Netflix.

And tomorrow . . . tomorrow, there would be a reckoning.
Family, A Tasertricks Fan Fiction, Chapter 7
It's been a while, I know, but I'm finally back! :D

Oh, and I saw Guardians of the Galaxy last month! It was actually pretty good and very funny. But unfortunately, a certain revelation (or rather, lack of revelation) in that movie makes Family incompatible with MCU canon after The Winter Soldier. Which officially makes it an AU. And I know it would've become AU eventually anyways, but still, would've been cool to keep it canon until Age of Ultron. But oh, well.

Also, just saw dA is switching to public hashtags instead of keywords, and this makes me genuinely upset. :( While yes, there are some benefits to public tagging, keywords nevertheless make for far more comprehensive/complete searches. Not to mention all the extra work this creates for deviants. When we could've previously just written "thor 2 the dark world" in the keyword section and known that if someone looked up any one or any combination of those keywords, our art would've shown up in the search results, now, just to ensure we get the same exposure, we have to tag with "#thor #2 #the #dark #world #thor2 #thedarkworld #thor2thedarkworld #thorthedarkworld #darkworld #thordarkworld", etc., etc., because we can't predict for sure what tag(s) the dA visitors will want to use to look up art based on the second Thor movie. Oh, oh, and I saw the "converted" tags on one of my previous deviations, and LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, dA's converter fails miserably. And if they think I'm gonna go back to all my previous works just to fix the hashtags, they're in for a disappointment. Seriously, guys, when those tags become public, just... don't ask, and blame dA.


Chapter 1:
Chapter 8: coming soon
Title: Family
Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Genre: Romance/humor/drama
Pairings: Darcy/Loki, Thor/Jane
Rating: T
Summary: Darcy, Loki, Thor, Jane, and Erik all sharing a London flat together. What can possibly go wrong? Tasertricks. Post-CA: TWS. Chapter 1: Loki arrives, Darcy gets ignored.

Chapter 6

Darcy awoke Sunday morning to the sound of even, rhythmic breathing at her side. Which was weird, considering she didn’t share her bed with anyone. Oh, of course, she must’ve slept over at Ian’s last night. Stretching, Darcy slowly opened her eyes and fumbled for her glasses on Ian’s bedside table.

Regaining her ability to see, Darcy was surprised to find a poster of a galaxy taped to Ian’s bedroom ceiling. Even more surprisingly, she was pretty sure this was the very galaxy that Jane had determined to be Thor’s, the same one Jane had her own poster of, taped to her own bedroom ceiling—Oh, fuck. She wasn’t at Ian’s flat, she was in Jane’s room. Because Thor was in her room. And all this because the three of them were now god-sitting Prince Loco, the universe’s ultimate shit stirrer.

Darcy groaned, wondering of Loki had tried setting London on fire yet. She should warn Ian. Holy shit, Ian. Darcy sat up like a jack-in-the-box. She had had plans for a dinner date with Ian yesterday, but due to everything that had happened, the dinner had completely flown out of her brain. Forget dinner—she hadn’t even checked her phone since yesterday morning. Which was the first thing she set out to do now.

Somehow, her phone turned out to be under Jane’s bed. Darcy did not remember putting it there, but then again, things in this apartment did tend to end up in the weirdest places completely of their own accord. The sound on the phone had been turned off, which explained why Darcy had missed all the phone calls that Ian had undoubtedly made when she didn’t show up for their date. Dreading what she was about to find, Darcy pressed the home button on the phone. Yup, six missed calls, two voicemails, and eleven iMessages, all from Ian. Sliding open the iMessages notification, Darcy quickly composed a text: “Hey!!! Sooooooo sorry I missed dinner last night. ): ): ): But I’ve got a damn good excuse, trust me. How about lunch at ur place at noon, and I’ll tell u all about it?” Confident this would tide over Ian’s curiosity for the time being, Darcy slipped her cell phone into her shorts pocket and got out of bed. Lucky Charms beckoned.

Darcy’s movement appeared to have roused Jane somewhat, and she stirred in her sleep, muttering, “Mmmh, Sweetheart, why do you always have to get up so early? Make me pancakes.”

That awkward moment when your relationship with your boss goes from sisterly to . . . something else, Darcy thought to herself, then made a full-speed beeline for the bedroom door. Swinging it open, she ran face first into Thor’s boulder-like chest.

“Oi! Darcy!” Thor said, surprise on his face.

Darcy, however, could only emit a small mewling sound and clutch at her nose, her eyes filling with tears all the while.

“Let me see,” Thor said, moving Darcy’s hands away from her face gently.

“Is it broken?” Darcy squeaked, sniffing.

“No, it does not appear to be,” Thor said reassuringly. “Sorry about that.” He patted Darcy on the head, as if that made it all better.

“That’s okay, big guy,” Darcy said, wiping at the corners of her eyes. “Was my fault, anyways. Should’ve looked where I was going.”

“Yes, well,” Thor said, and Darcy noticed something that sounded oddly like embarrassment in his voice. “I am wondering, are you up definitively, or are you planning to return to bed?”

“After that wake-up call? I think I’m up for good, yeah.”

Thor shifted awkwardly in his spot. “In that case, do you mind—would you mind terribly if I lied with Jane until she awoke?” And the God of Thunder was full-out blushing now.

Darcy grinned at him, which only seemed to add to his embarrassment. “Yeah, of course,” she said. “But no hanky-panky—remember, I sleep in that bed, too, now, you know.”

Thor must be getting better at understanding Darcy’s colloquialisms, because the meaning of “hanky-panky” dawned on him almost immediately, and his face turned a shade of red so bright, it could give his cape a run for its money. “Do believe me, Lady Darcy, that that is not what I meant at all,” he spluttered. “I merely wish to hold Lady Jane in my arms as she sleeps.”

“Relax, Thunder Wonder,” Darcy said, still grinning. “What Jane does with your hammer is none of my business, anyway.”

Thor, looking positively mortified, muttered something incoherent and disappeared inside the bedroom.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Darcy let out the giant snort she had been holding back throughout the latter half of their conversation. The day I crawl in bed with a guy just to cuddle will be the day my vagina falls out, seriously. She also realized that she probably should’ve asked Thor if His Princelypants was still sleeping or if he was scheming in the semidarkness of his room or what, but then again, she guessed she’d find out soon enough, anyway. Besides, right now, she was mostly interested in breakfast.

Today, the kitchen looked something akin to a frat house on a Saturday morning. In addition to Jane and Thor’s usual mess, there were now empty pizza boxes and beer bottles covering the tables, not to mention the large pile of Thor’s clothes, both Midgardian and Asgardian, sitting in the middle of the floor, clearly having made it out of his old bedroom, but not quite into his new bedroom. Darcy couldn’t care less about the mess, however. While she herself was an organized person and always cleaned up her own messes, when it came to cleaning up after others, she just couldn’t be assed.

Weaving carefully through all the random crap littering the floor—because if anyone would find something to trip on, it would be her—Darcy made her way toward the kitchen cupboards, which housed the cereal reserves. Approaching Thor’s clothes pile, she decided she would just kick through it, rather than make a lengthy and possibly treacherous detour around it. So, swinging hard, she brought her foot down into the midst of the pile. At which point her toes collided with a world of pain.

Holy mother of—!” Darcy screeched, yanking her foot out of the clothes pile and nearly falling on her ass in the process. “What in the—?” Dumbfounded by what she could’ve possibly kicked that hurt so much, she began to rummage through the pile, and it wasn’t long before the culprit was plain within her sight. “Mew-mew,” she seethed, her sapphire-blue eyes narrowing into snake slits as she glowered at the magical hammer. But she couldn’t care less about her throbbing and possibly broken toes, nope. Sure, she was a strong believer in putting things in their proper places when not in use, but she wasn’t gonna go telling a grown-ass god where to keep his hammer, right? Besides, it could’ve been worse. At least he hadn’t left the hammer on top of the toilet with the lid closed this time, before leaving with Jane for the day (that had been one seriously bad day for Darcy and Erik).

Wincing in pain, Darcy gingerly stepped over Mjölnir and finally arrived at the kitchen cupboards. This was the cereal treasure trove. Here could be found Jane’s Shreddies, Erik’s Raisin Bran, and most importantly, Thor and Darcy’s Lucky Charms. Picking up the Lucky Charms box and peering inside, Darcy was relieved to find there was still enough cereal left for one more portion. Her mood brightening instantly, she opened the dishes cupboard to get a bowl—shit. No bowls. Because all the bowls were—yup—in the giant mountain of dishes inside the sink. But Darcy couldn’t care less—oh, fuck it, who was she kidding? When she didn’t have a clean bowl from which to eat her cereal because Thor, Jane, and Erik hadn’t done their dishes in like a week, things were not okay. Sure, Jane normally got around to doing her dishes. Eventually. And true, Erik would sometimes do all the dishes in the apartment in one go, but then again, he would also sometimes use four plates to eat one sandwich. And Thor was a prince who had lived in a court full of servants and handmaidens; before arriving here, he hadn’t washed a single dish in his life. He was learning now, but so far, he had broken more dishes than he had actually cleaned. And as for Loki . . . . Well, Loki hadn’t done much other than pace, brood, and glare since his arrival yesterday morning.

Long story short, Darcy knew she was the one stuck doing the dishes this morning.

But there was no way in hell she was gonna work through this mountain without at least some good music to keep her going. Her iPhone, containing her entire iTunes library, was already in her pocket, which meant she just needed to find some earphones and she’d be good to go. Remembering she had left a pair in the not-living room the other day, she set off to retrieve it, still limping slightly.

The earphones turned out to be inside the living-room sofa. Darcy did not question this. Placing the buds in her ears and plugging the jack into her phone, she returned to the kitchen.

Coming to a stop in front of the kitchen sink, Darcy scrolled through her music in search of the ultimate get-pumped-for-dishwashing song. Her thumb hovered over Britney Spears’ “Work Bitch”. Eh, that’ll work.

But it wasn’t until she’d enjoyed performances by the Beatles, Johnny Cash, Mumford & Sons, Arcade Fire, Tegan and Sara, and Florence and the Machine, all with her own vocal accompaniments, that the mountain of dishes in the sink was finally washed, dried, and put away. All that remained to be cleaned now was the sink itself. Smeared in and crusted over with week-old food remains, it was an intimidating sight to behold, but thankfully, doing the dishes had put Darcy into somewhat of a cleaning groove. So, with the finishing notes of “Kiss with a Fist” carrying her along, she doused the sink in dishwashing liquid, picked up a sponge, and got to scrubbing.

Having gone over the entire sink with the sponge once, Darcy now took a break from scrubbing to allow the more resilient filth to sit and soak a little. As she waited, her thoughts still drifting to Loki and, specifically, the moment he had first looked straight at her, an image flashed through her head, and all at once, she was remembering the dream she had had last night, a highly inappropriate dream involving Loki, Fandral, and Loki’s bondage gear from yesterday. And before she could even hope to react to that image, “S&M” started playing on her iPhone. Like the phone had fucking read her mind. Darcy’s eyes widened in surprise, and the next thing she knew, she was laughing uncontrollably. It was a release, she realized, after yesterday’s stress and exhaustion, and there was no way in hell she wasn’t going to enjoy it to the fullest. So, dancing (flailing) along, she rasped, sounding nothing at all like Rihanna, “‘Cause I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it! Sex in the air—I don’t care, I love the smell of it! Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!” And then she wiggled her ass and did a sort of awkward half-pirouette that faced her away from the sink, and then she just about had a heart attack. “Jesus Christ!” she screeched, jumping literally about a foot backward.

Sitting across from her, at Jane and Erik’s computer desk, was Loki. “Wrong deity,” he remarked, without lifting his eyes from the notebook he was currently perusing, one of Jane’s research journals, by the looks of it.

How long have you been sitting there?” Darcy said, shock fading away to disbelief at her own obliviousness. Who is this guy, a fucking cat?

“Long enough to say definitively that you have a terrible singing voice,” Loki replied, still not looking up at her.

“I’m assuming this means you’re done with being Mr. Nice Guy?” Darcy asked. She wasn’t insulted by what Loki had said. It would take far worse to make her resent her own person.

Loki didn’t reply, and Darcy took this opportunity to study him. He looked different today. Gone were the leather-armor jacket and the black leather breastplate—he wore only his leather pants and a dark-green tunic. Bare feet. His eyes looked solid gray in the weak morning light. Oh, and he looked like he needed a double cheeseburger or two.

The silence was getting awkward, at least for Darcy. “You could’ve come help us move furniture yesterday, you know,” she said, rubbing the still-aching muscles in her arms. “Done some jazz hands or whatever.”

Loki licked his finger and flipped a page in Jane’s journal deliberately.

Darcy sighed, deciding she didn’t feel like getting ignored again today. “Okay, fine. Forget about yesterday. How about you help me scrub this sink, instead? You could do it with magic, couldn’t you? Come on, impress me, Loki of Asgard.”

This time, Loki glanced at her briefly, but was soon engrossed in his reading again. “And why would I perform the duties of a servant?” he said, nevertheless.

Darcy blinked. Then, she blinked again, her eyebrows crawling upward to come to a stop high on her forehead. “Excuse me? I’m a servant to you?”

Loki lifted his face to her again, his expression that of innocent misunderstanding, and Darcy couldn’t tell if it was genuine or if he was fucking with her. “Pardon me, but I was brought under the impression that you are Jane’s handmaiden. Are you not?” he said, his voice all politeness now.

“What in the—?” Darcy began, confused out of her mind. “Why would you think—? Ohhh. Is it because I said I was Jane’s assistant? Because I didn’t mean like a personal assistant, I meant a research assistant. I help Jane with her science and stuff. I even get paid now.” Saying that last part out loud felt really good, Darcy had to admit. “Although it’s kind of ironic, my job, considering my degree is in political science and not astrophysics by any stretch of the imagination. But hey, a job is a job, can’t really complain there.”

Loki was nodding his head like he actually cared. “Political science? And what does one studied in political science normally expect to do for a living?”

“Oh, you know,” Darcy said, with a nonchalant shrug. “End wars. Start wars. Rule a small country. That sorta stuff.”

“Clearly, a noble career choice, my lady,” Loki said, though Darcy could tell by his slightly raised eyebrow that he wasn’t buying her bullshit.

“Why, thank you!” she chirruped, smiling at the mischief god a little too enthusiastically.

One raised eyebrow was joined by another, and Loki inclined his head toward her once before going back to his reading.

Darcy turned around to continue scrubbing the sink, then gasped and whipped back around again. “Hey!” she barked at the alien prince, crossing her arms over her abdomen. “I don’t believe you! You totally only asked me about political science so you could change the subject and wouldn’t have to answer the question I asked you, didn’t you?”

“And what question was that?” Loki asked, sounding completely bored now. He didn’t look at her, either.

Darcy felt herself begin to fume on the inside. “Will you or will you not help me clean this sink?”

Loki looked up at her, his expression indifferent. Then, as unceremoniously as if it were the most mundane thing in the world, he waved his right hand sharply upward once, and then settled it down on the desktop. He looked at Darcy expectantly.

For a moment, Darcy didn’t react. That can’t be all it took, can it? Then, she slowly turned her head toward the sink. And then she gaped. The sink was clean. Like, utterly, spotlessly, spick-and-span-ningly clean. She turned back to Loki, still gaping. “That’s amazing!” she exclaimed.

“Are you impressed?” Loki asked, one corner of his mouth curving into a tiny smirk.

Darcy tried very hard to suppress a grin, and failed. “Yup, you did it this time. What was that, teleportation? Like, you can’t just make something cease to exist, can you? It all has to go somewhere?”

“Yes, you are correct,” Loki said, his smirk deepening. “It is magically impossible to destroy or create matter or energy.”

Darcy’s grin faded as Loki continued smirking at her. He sure looks happy with himself for cleaning a sink, she thought, suspicion beginning to form inside of her. “So, um,” she began, already dreading what the answer would be, “where did all the crap from the sink go?”

Loki’s lips split into an excited smile. “Ooh, I thought you’d never ask, Little Mortal.” And then the fingers on his right hand, the one resting on the desktop, flicked downward, and Darcy felt it, splosh-ing onto the top of her head and slowly beginning to ooze down through her hair, everything that Loki had teleported out of the sink, water, soap suds, and soggy food particles included.

“You motherfucker,” Darcy breathed, feeling the color seep from her face as she practically shook with fury.

Loki’s eyes widened slightly at her choice of expletive, clearly not one in common use outside Earth, but other than that, he looked positively elated.

Shooting daggers at the trickster god, Darcy stomped past the computer desk, heading for the bathroom.

“Oh, fret not, mortal,” she heard Loki call after her airily. “I can remove it from your hair just as easily.”

“Fuck off,” Darcy offered in reply, and slammed the bathroom door behind her.


Ian was staring at her like she had just said Satan himself was hanging out in the room with them. “Bloody hell, Darce, this isn’t good,” he finally managed.

“Ya think?” Darcy said, biting into the strawberry Pop-Tart that was part of her lunch at Ian’s.

“I just can’t believe Thor and Jane would let him stay with you guys. I mean, he just about destroyed New York City.”

“Forget New York,” Darcy mumbled through a mouthful of Pop-Tart. “Or did you miss the part where he put crap in my hair? Ain’t nobody messes wit mah hur, brah.”

Ian shook his head, still white in the face. “But I mean, is he safe? I know he helped save Dr. Foster and all, but I dunno, I still don’t see how you can trust him.”

“I don’t,” Darcy said. “But really, other than this morning’s little prank, he actually hasn’t done anything overly suspicious so far. Oh, and he fixed the shower.”

“You mean it doesn’t sound like a Nazgul making love to a jackhammer anymore?” Ian asked, disbelief plain on his face.

“Believe it or not. I don’t know what he did, but it worked.”

“Still . . . .” Ian continued. “I don’t like him using his magic or powers or whatever on you, Darce.”

“And you think I do?” Darcy asked, scoffing. “Now I have to think of some way to get back at him.”

Get back at him?” Ian repeated, his already large eyes widening.

“Well, yeah,” Darcy said. “Come on, Intern, I can’t live with someone who thinks he can just mess with me whenever he wants without there being consequences. I mean sure, I’ll probably get killed in the process, but whatever.”

Ian’s face turned even whiter than it had been before. “I don’t get it, Darce, why not just move out?”

“And say goodbye to my spending money? Nooo, thank you! You know Jane doesn’t charge me rent. Or groceries. Hell, she even lets me use her hair products and makeup!”

“Well, I can see one possible solution to all this,” Ian began, only to get interrupted by Darcy.

“Holy shit, Intern!” she exclaimed. “I just gave myself the perfect idea for how I can get back at the motherfucker!”

“Oh?” Ian asked, looking disappointed.

“Yeah! I’ll totally let you know how it goes.”

Ian now looked like a kicked puppy. “Sounds good . . . .”

Darcy smacked her lips. “You got any more Pop-Tarts?”


On her way home that night, Darcy Lewis, master schemer in her own right, stopped by the supermarket, where she purchased all but two items: a bottle of shampoo, and a large tube of superglue.
Title: Family
Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe up to and including the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier and season one of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Genre: Romance/humor/drama
Pairings: Darcy/Loki, Thor/Jane
Rating: T
Summary: Darcy, Loki, Thor, Jane, and Erik all sharing a London flat together. What can possibly go wrong? Tasertricks. Post-CA: TWS and AoS S1. Chapter 1: Loki arrives, Darcy gets ignored.

Chapter 5

It had been several hours since Loki had been left alone out on the balcony, and the Asgardian god was seriously reconsidering his decision to come to Midgard. Not that it wasn’t the best decision he could have possibly made, because all things considered, it was. If Thor’s woman was as good at Midgardian magic as Thor had said she was, and if she could help him construct a device that could track the Aether and the Tesseract’s movements on Midgard, then the oaf he had the misfortune to call his brother was right, Midgard did have a fighting chance against Thanos. But more importantly, so did Loki.

And he had prepared for cold shoulders, mistrust, and even all-out animosity when he had chosen to come here. What he had not prepared for, however, was the likes of Darcy Lewis. That loudmouthed mortal wench, who said exactly what she was thinking exactly when she was thinking it, had managed to see through his every move since his arrival here, and that disconcerted him, to say the least. She showed no respect for him, and more surprisingly, no fear. But thankfully, Loki could already think of ways to remedy that.

He was called out of his scheming by the sounds of activity within the apartment. A door opening and closing, followed by the sound of footsteps across the kitchen floor. Didn’t sound like Thor’s usual stomping, nor Thor’s woman’s quick, light step, and nothing had been knocked over, which suggested it wasn’t the loudmouthed one, either. These particular footfalls were slow and shuffling, and even before the balcony door was opened, Loki knew who would be paying him a visit tonight.

“Good evening, Erik,” Loki said, without turning around.

The footfalls came to an abrupt stop, and Loki smirked to himself, knowing he had achieved the effect he had desired on the scientist.

“Do not worry, I cannot still read your mind,” Loki continued. He turned around and faced Erik. “Probably,” he added, with a sly grin.

Erik, white faced and wide eyed, did not move or say anything.

Loki sighed. “What is it you want, old man? Either speak or quit wasting my time.”

“Is it true—” Erik began, in a barely audible mumble.

Loki cut him off then and there. “Speak up. Or has your tongue gone along with your sanity?”

Erik’s eyes narrowed, and he appeared to gain some composure. “It’s rude to interrupt, boy,” he said, his voice much steadier now. “Or have your parents not taught you any manners?”

“Ooh, the worm has teeth,” Loki said, honestly impressed with Erik’s bold comeback. “What is it you were saying, then?”

“Is it true you risked your life protecting Jane on that alien planet? That you almost died saving her? When she told me, I didn’t believe her.”

Erik’s unprecedented interest in the particularities of Loki’s actions on Svartalfheim took Loki by surprise. “Jane didn’t lie,” he said, wondering if the old man was up to something. “She was weak and defenseless, so I provided protection.”

“But why? Why risk your life for her? No offense, but you and heroism don’t really go together in my mind.”

Loki chuckled darkly. “A wise observation, Doctor. But make no mistake, I harbor no special fondness for Jane, either. I consider her an ally, that is true, but beyond that, she means no more to me than any other mortal. But on Svartalfheim, she was more than an ally—she was a responsibility. Her fate depended purely on the execution of mine and Thor’s plan—at times, her life was quite literally in our hands—and although this may surprise you, I fully accept all responsibilities that accompany a position of power.”

Erik nodded slowly. “Thank you,” he said.

It had been so long since Loki had had those two words spoken to him, he was momentarily taken aback. “What?” he snapped.

The unintentional edge in his tone visibly startled Erik. “Thank you?” the scientist repeated, now watching the mischief god with a shadow of wariness on his face. “For what you did for Jane? We all owe you, you know.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“And yet here you are, living under our roof.”

Loki smirked. “Yes? I thought you let me stay because you like me?”

“Yes, as much as I like insomnia and amnesia,” Erik muttered under his breath. “There wouldn’t happen to be a magical remedy for all these side effects, would there?”

“There is an herb.”

“Oh? Where can I get it?”


“Oh. That’s great.”

“Anything else I can do for you?” Loki asked with mock sincerity.

“Yeah. Don’t try playing games with my family. They’d win. Good night.”

Loki watched Erik’s retreating back with a raised eyebrow. Frankly, this had not been how he had expected their reunion to go, at all. He had expected cowering and sniveling from the scientist, instead of the straight-up questions and unfiltered honesty he had just received. Much like he had gotten from the loudmouthed one. And even from Thor’s woman. These humans, so defiant in their mortality, talking down to him like he was their equal, or worse, something inferior. It was irritating. But at the same time, to one who had acted the role of ruthless king for so long, some brutal honesty was also refreshing. And in the case of the loudmouthed one, sometimes even amusing.

Loki yawned. If his internal clock was functioning correctly, then the sun had long since set even on Asgard. Finally ready to go to bed, he turned on his heel and headed back toward the door to the apartment.

But he had barely taken a step over the threshold when the very floor beneath his feet began to shake and vibrate. FFFFFDRRRRRBRRRSHHHHHTTTTT, he heard coming from the bathing room. He stopped dead in his tracks, genuinely terrified for a moment, until he realized Erik was merely running the shower. Shockingly, the loudmouthed one had spoken the truth—by Valhalla, Loki had not heard a sound like that since he had decapitated the possessed wolf-dragon of Muspelheim.

No, sleep would have to wait. Loki had a beast to battle.
Title: Family
Universe: Thor/Avengers
Genre: Romance/humor/drama
Pairings: Darcy/Loki, Thor/Jane
Rating: T
Summary: Darcy, Loki, Thor, Jane, and Erik all sharing a London flat together. What can possibly go wrong? Post-TDW. Tasertricks. Chapter 1: Loki arrives, Darcy gets ignored.

Chapter 4

Darcy had informed Thor and Jane early into that morning that although she shared none of Thor’s familial attachments or Jane’s feelings of debt when it came to Loki, she would not depart from the apartment. Not that Thor and Jane had wished her departure; in fact, after Darcy had returned from talking to Erik, they had practically, and with complete sincerity, begged her not to leave, all the while assuring her that somehow, they would make this new living arrangement work. And finally, after having watched Jane wring her hands and cast her plaintive looks all through breakfast, Darcy had caved and admitted she agreed that Loki should not be “kicked to the curb”, as she had put it, just yet. After all, she had said, if Loki remained with them, Thor could keep a constant eye on him, and do what was necessary if Loki ever tried to betray them. Thor did not particularly like thinking about what Darcy meant by “what was necessary”, but he respected her opinion of his brother, nevertheless. He valued Darcy greatly as a friend, and he was just glad she was staying.

But then had come the question of actual housing arrangements. Jane’s apartment had three bedrooms (four, counting what Darcy referred to as the not-living room), and up until now, Darcy had had a bedroom to herself, Erik had had one to himself, and Jane and Thor had shared the master. But the addition of Loki to their ragtag little family now promised to shatter this convenient arrangement.

Jane had immediately suggested sacrificing the not-living room and turning it into an actual bedroom, but Thor and Darcy put up such a protest, the idea was quickly put on the backburner. The not-living room had become Thor and Darcy’s solitary escape from Jane and Erik’s nearly apartment-wide science takeover, and they had valiantly defended it from invasion many times before.

So, the focus had been shifted to the three remaining bedrooms. A unanimous decision was made immediately that Erik should be least affected by Loki’s moving in, and should therefore be allowed to keep his bedroom to himself. Which left two bedrooms and four people. And since three people could not hope to have enough room even in the large master bedroom, everyone knew someone would have to bunk with Loki. And it was not going to be Darcy or Jane.

And so, it had been decided right around luncheon time that Darcy would move into the master bedroom with Jane, and Thor and Loki would have Darcy’s room. The master room had a queen-sized bed Darcy and Jane would share, while Loki would have Darcy’s old twin sized, and Thor would make do with a double-sized air mattress Jane owned. Darcy and Thor knew they would get their own beds eventually, but not until Jane’s next paycheck (or two).

And then had come the Bilgesnipe-sized task of moving Thor and Darcy’s personal belongings and furniture. Although the so-called “heavy” lifting was nothing for Thor, it did prove to be taxing on Jane and Darcy, petite as they were. Darcy, of course, did not fail to voice her disgruntlement, making loud comments in the direction of the balcony that if Loki would just “stop being a selfish ass”, as she put it, and come inside and help them, he could probably “move this crap with a wave of his hand”, thus making her, Jane, and Thor’s job that much easier. Thor knew this was true, but he did not wish to bother his brother just yet. Loki had just been denied the throne of Asgard, and personal experience told Thor that that did not put one into the best of moods.

By the time all the belongings had been moved, all the furniture had been rearranged, and both bedrooms had been tidied and reorganized, it was close to nine o’clock in the evening, and Thor, Jane, and Darcy were starving and exhausted. Or rather, Darcy and Jane were exhausted. Thor was just hungry.

“What are we making for dinner tonight, my love?” he asked Jane, as he, Jane, and Darcy sat at the kitchen table, with Darcy and Jane slumping over the tabletop.

Jane made a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl, and lifted her head from her arms just enough to gaze at Thor blearily. “Sweetheart, I don’t think I have the energy to cook anything with you tonight. How about we just order pizza?”

“Even better!” Thor thundered. “But we must order from Papà Luigi. His is the best.”

“Sure,” Jane said, getting out of her chair. “Now, where’d I leave my cell . . . ?”

Yeaaah, Papà Luigi’s,” Darcy moaned from her seat, without even lifting her head. “Good call there, Thunder Wonder.” She raised the palm of her hand in Thor’s general direction, and Thor high-fived it gently.

The pizza arrived thirty minutes later, three extra-large pepperonis. Jane had figured Thor and Loki would eat a whole pizza each, she and Darcy would share the third, and any leftovers would be saved for Erik. After paying the pizza-delivery man at the door to their apartment, Jane carried the three boxes into the kitchen, where Thor and Darcy awaited her eagerly.

“Perhaps someone ought to go fetch Lone Ranger from the balcony?” Jane suggested, setting the pizza boxes down on the kitchen table.

Thor shook his head. “I do not think he will come, if we are to do that. Let me go to him instead.”

“You know him better than anyone,” Jane said, nodding her understanding. “Do what you think is right.”

Jane was right, Thor thought, as he picked up two pizza boxes and got two bottles of ale from the fridge, he did know his brother better than anyone, at least anyone left alive, and if he knew Loki at all, Loki was going to treat his arrival the same way a stone wall treated the arrival of an oncoming train.

Loki did not even look at him as he stepped outside, carefully balancing the food and ale in his hands. To the contrary, his brother’s attention was fixed, unwavering, on the clear night sky above. The sun had long since set, leaving the sky a deep midnight blue in its wake, and the myriads of stars that speckled it gave it an almost Asgardian quality. Thor thought he now understood at least part of the reason why Loki had chosen to remain out on the balcony for so long.

As for Loki himself, Thor could not help but notice how thin his brother looked wearing nothing but his breastplate and leather-armor jacket. Thinner than he had looked when he had led the attack on New York. Even thinner than when he had died in Thor’s arms on Svartalfheim. Thor realized at that moment that knowing it had been a trick did not make the memory any less painful or scarring, but having Loki be with him, alive, even under these circumstances, was the first step on the road to healing.

“It is a beautiful night, is it not, Brother?” Thor asked, coming up to stand beside Loki at the parapet. He set one pizza box, the one meant for Loki, down on the parapet between them, and the other, the one meant for himself, on the parapet to his right. He set the two bottles of ale down beside his pizza box.

“It is nothing like home,” Loki said, lowering his gaze from the stars and spanning it over the barren London rooftops instead.

Hearing Loki call Asgard his home and knowing Loki could never go home brought a burning into Thor’s chest he could not supress. “I know,” he said. “I am sorry, Brother.”

There was a beat in which neither man said anything, and the only sounds were the wail of police sirens from the street below and Jane and Darcy’s laughter carrying in from the kitchen.

“I have brought you something to eat,” Thor said, when the beat had lasted too long.

“I am not hungry,” Loki returned immediately.

“You have eaten nothing all day. You cannot not be hungry. Besides,”—Thor lifted the top of Loki’s pizza box—“this is delicious.”

It was not long before the intoxicating aroma coming off the pizza hit Thor’s nostrils, which meant it had to be hitting Loki’s nostrils, too. After a prolonged moment, Loki inclined his head a fraction of an inch toward the pizza box, and side-eyed its contents distrustfully. “None of that resembles food,” he told Thor.

“That was precisely my reaction when Jane and Lady Darcy first introduced me to this delicacy. But there is really nothing unusual about it. Look.” Thor opened his own pizza box, and lifted out a slice of pizza. He pointed to the lowermost layer of the pizza. “The crust is bread. It tastes somewhat different from Asgardian breads, but it is quite pleasant. Next, the pizza sauce. We have nothing like it on Asgard, and it is delectable. It is made from a Midgardian fruit called a tomato—a truly strange fruit; personally, I find it tastes far more like a vegetable. Then comes melted cheese—you know what that is. And finally, slices of sausage called pepperoni, which is made from cow and pig meat.”

“This is the most haphazard jumble of ingredients I have ever seen.”

“Many Midgardian foods are like that. Ingredients you would never think of putting together coming together in perfect harmony. Much like this pizza.” Thor took a generous bite of his slice with a hum.

But it was only after Thor had devoured three whole slices, making various sounds of enjoyment all the while, that Loki finally picked up a slice from his own box. After examining it closely for several seconds, he took one ludicrously small, gingerly bite. He chewed thoughtfully and swallowed, and then took another, bigger, bite. And then another bite, bigger still. And in no time at all, the entire slice had vanished. Loki had not even noticed Thor was watching him with the biggest grin on his face.

“How do you find the fare, Brother?” Thor asked, feeling strangely overjoyed at seeing Loki eat.

“It is acceptable,” Loki replied, already picking up a second slice.

“Aha!” Thor exclaimed in triumph. “I knew you would like it! But next, you must try Pop-Tarts and Lucky Charms. They are even better than pizza, Brother!”

“Do not call me that,” Loki said.

Thor blinked, taken aback, but just slightly. “What? My brother?”


Thor smirked. “Should I call you my sister, then? Those are the only two options I am allotting you, so choose wisely.”

Of course, Loki did not reply and continued eating in silence, but Thor had a feeling he would not protest Thor’s calling him brother anytime soon anymore.

“I have brought us some beer,” Thor said, after a pause. He used the edge of the brick parapet to pop off the cap of Loki’s beer bottle, and then extended the bottle to the unwilling son of Odin.

After a moment of deliberation, Loki accepted the bottle and took a small sip. Then he made a face, clearly not impressed. “It is like water,” he said accusingly.

Thor shrugged, popping the cap off his own bottle. “It may not compare to Asgardian brews, but it is still ale, so one cannot complain too much.”

The balcony door opened behind them, and Thor turned to see who it was. Jane smiled at him from the doorway, and he beamed back, instantly overwhelmed by the sight of her.

“Darcy and I are going to bed now, and I just wanted to wish you two good night before we disappeared,” Jane said.

Covering the distance from the parapet to the doorway in two long strides, Thor embraced Jane’s tiny, warm form in his arms. “Sleep well, my love. May your dreams be like vast rivers that carry you gently into fantastic new lands.”

“Aw, you, too, Sweetheart,” Jane said, her breath warm against Thor’s chest.

Thor placed a soft kiss on the top of Jane’s head, and they parted reluctantly.

“Good night, Loki,” Jane said to the withdrawn Asgardian’s leather-clad back.

Loki did not turn around, but nodded his head once in recognition.

Lady Darcy’s dog-tired face suddenly appeared behind Jane’s in the doorway, and she rested her chin on Jane’s shoulder, looking like she was about to fall asleep there and then. “Good night, Thunder Wonder,” she said to Thor through a yawn. “Oh, and tell your bro he’s a big bag of frostbitten dicks, will ya?”

Good night, Darcy,” Thor said pointedly, smiling at the girl he often did not understand, but whom he had come to care for like a sister over the past six months.

As Jane helped a stumbling Darcy back inside the apartment, Thor returned to Loki’s side at the parapet. His brother was now about halfway through his box of pizza, same as Thor.

“Perhaps now would be a good time to talk about why you are here,” Thor suggested, picking up another slice. “Do you know who put the price on your head?”

Loki’s shoulders twitched in what might have been a hollow laugh. “Do you really believe me so incompetent as to not know who and when is trying to kill me?”

“Enlighten me, then. Who is this being?”

“Someone far more dangerous than I.”

Thor should have known this would not be easy. Of all the enemies of Asgard, at least of those left alive, it was impossible to think of one more dangerous, more powerful than Loki. Unless . . . . “You lied to me, Brother,” Thor said. “There was a king who ruled you, whom you answered to when you waged war on Midgard, was there not?”

“Ooh, how uncharacteristically clever of you, son of Odin,” Loki drawled. “Yes, there was one such being. But he is no king. Not yet.”

“And what did this creature want from you so badly that he gave you a scepter of power and an army in return?”

“And now, a disappointment. Surely if you think hard enough, you will arrive at the answer. Just be careful not to pull a brain muscle.”

“The Tesseract,” Thor said, the answer coming to him all at once.

Loki nodded. “Very good.”

“And since you failed to acquire it, you must pay the price with your life.”

Loki’s silence was more than telling that Thor had hit the nail on the head. But there was a shadow of something unusual on Loki’s face, something Thor did not see his brother experience very often: apprehension.

“Do not fear, Brother,” Thor said, then, reaching out a hand, touched his fingers lightly to Loki’s shoulder. “Without the Tesseract, he cannot get to you. And as long as Asgard’s walls stand and there is a king on its throne, he will not get the Tesseract.”

Loki lifted his downturned face, and, for the first time that night, looked Thor dead in the eyes. But there was no mischief or mirth in his expression, but an uncharacteristic severity that unsettled Thor to the core of his being. Loki gripped Thor’s forearm. “Thanos seeks all the Infinity Stones,” he said, “and when he finds them, which he will, there will not be a place in this universe where you, nor I, nor the Allfather himself will be able to hide.”

“Thanos?” Thor repeated thoughtfully. “I have not heard of him. He is not from the nine realms, is he?”

But Loki was not listening. Letting go of Thor’s arm, he turned his eyes up to the stars once again. “And to think I could have provided such a place, had you and your comically costumed friends not gotten in my way.”

Confused, Thor dropped his hand from Loki’s shoulder. “What do you mean?”

Loki turned to Thor with a sneer. “Oh, the irony is truly fantastic, Brother. Had I been successful in providing Thanos with the Tesseract, he would have considered me an ally, and were Midgard under my rule now, he would spare it. But now, I am certain he sees the planet as a direct threat. So how does it feel, Brother, knowing that thanks to the efforts of you and the Avengers, your precious Earth now faces a threat greater than anything it has ever faced before?”

Thor shook his head. “In all the time you have spent on Midgard, have you learned nothing of humanity? No human being would choose servitude, be it in safety, over freedom, be it in the line of fire. Such is human nature.”

“Yes, and instead, humanity has chosen certain death.”

“That remains to be seen. The Infinity Stones are well protected, and Thanos has yet to get his hands on one, has he not?”

Loki shut his eyes, and, for a long moment, said nothing. Then, without opening his eyes, he said, “You were right not to trust me, Brother.”

Thor, who was in the process of carrying his last pizza slice to his mouth, lowered the pizza back over the box. “Why is that?”

“Thanos has the Aether.”

Thor’s pizza dropped out of his hand, as his whole body tensed with building fury. “How can he possibly have the Aether, Brother?”

Loki’s eyes shot open then, dark blue in the starlight, and so cold and alien, Thor felt like he did not recognize his brother anymore. “I gave it to him,” the fiend said simply.

In a motion like lightning, Thor had one hand clasped firmly around Loki’s neck, and the other held out toward the balcony door, ready to summon Mjölnir at any moment. But Loki showed no intention of fighting, and merely held up his hands in surrender. “How could you?” Thor growled at him through gritted teeth.

“It was the only—It was the only way—” Loki choked, and Thor had to loosen his grip on his windpipe before he could continue. After taking several breaths, Loki tried again. “It was the only way I could think of to keep Asgard safe. I could not give him the Tesseract—it would have been suspicious for me as the Allfather to send it out of Asgard—so I gave him the Aether instead. He would have come for it anyway, and he would have left Asgard in ruin. I thought he would take my giving him the Aether as a sign that our alliance was still in effect, and that he would promise he would spare Asgard like he once promised to spare Earth. I was wrong. He took the Aether, he learned who I was, who Odin was, and in return he put a price on my head.”

Thor could not believe the words that had just come out of Loki’s mouth. “You are a child, Brother, and a fool,” he said. “Did you really believe Thanos would just resurrect your alliance?”

Loki cast his gaze downward, and from the guilt on his face, Thor could tell he truly had believed he had had no other options.

Thor let go of Loki’s neck, forcefully shoving him a step back as he did so. “Does our father know?” he asked, quickly trying to think what consequences Loki’s actions had possibly created for the universe.

“Of course,” Loki growled, rubbing his neck. “Do you really think he would not have gotten this information out of me before sending me on my merry way?”

Shoving his pizza box out of the way, Thor rested his elbows down on the parapet and cradled his head in his hands. “You should not have come here. You know full well what Thanos can do with the Aether alone.”

“And here I thought you would appreciate the warning.”

“I am afraid your warning will not do much good, Brother. You do not know what this world has been through in recent times.”

“You speak of the downfall of the S.H.I.E.L.D. organization, do you not?”

Mildly surprised, Thor lifted his head from his hands and looked at Loki. “Yes. How do you know of that?”

“You forget I was the king of Asgard. Perhaps the Allfather asked a certain gatekeeper of his to keep an eye on his son and on Midgard in general.”

“Then you should know that Midgard is defenseless. Those people and resources that made it possible to defeat you and the Chitauri a year ago, they are now gone. And now, Thanos. Humanity would not even see him coming.”

“Perhaps that is something I will be able to help with. Your woman, she practices what Midgardians call science, does she not?”

“Her name is Jane, Loki. And yes, and she is very good at it. Though it is only thanks to Tony—you likely remember him better as the Man of Iron—that she and Erik still receive compensation for their work. Lady Darcy, too. Why do you ask?”

“Because I believe that with her help, and perhaps with Erik’s, I could devise a way to track the arrival of the Aether or the Tesseract anywhere on this planet.”

Thor stood up straight, his full attention on what Loki was saying now. “What you speak of is impossible. Not even S.H.I.E.L.D. could track the Tesseract’s movements.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D.’s knowledge of the Tesseract was laughingly limited. I had the Tesseract’s power surge through my body. Its magical signature is part of me now, and I could identify it anywhere. It is possible your wo—Jane and I could construct a tracking device and tune it to this specific signature. The same goes for the Aether.”

“Because it was part of Jane, and she now carries its magical signature,” Thor inferred.

“Yes. She should.”

“If you can do this, Brother, it will give this world a fighting chance. I shall discuss it with Jane tomorrow.”

Loki nodded once. He then picked up the last slice of pizza from his box. “This Tony, the Man of Iron, Heimdall told me he has taken planetary security upon himself after S.H.I.E.L.D.’s collapse?”

“He and Lady Maria, Director Fury’s second-in-command,” Thor answered, picking up his own only remaining slice.

Loki nodded again. “And will you tell them I am here? Will you tell anyone?”

“When the time is right, yes. But for now, they do not need to know.”

The two brothers finished their pizza and beer in silence, and Thor felt the tension that had built up in his body over the course of his conversation with Loki begin to dissipate. In fact, he was feeling quite groggy. Loki, however, showed no sign of drowsiness. And Thor realized why.

“It is day now on Asgard, is it not?” he asked.

“Yes,” Loki answered.

Thor nodded, then yawned. “Forgive me, Brother, but I must retire to bed now, lest I fall asleep out here on the balcony with you. When you are ready to retire, ours is the room closest to the bathing room.” He grinned at Loki suddenly, as a memory struck him. “We will be sharing quarters, Brother! Just as we did when we were children!”

“How very amusing,” Loki deadpanned, in the manner of one not amused at all.

Thor clapped Loki on the shoulder anyway. “Good night, my friend. May your sleep be as deep and peaceful as Odinsleep.” Picking up the empty pizza boxes and beer bottles, he proceeded back inside the apartment, but then paused in the doorway. “Loki?” he said, looking back.

“Mm?” the lone Jotun answered, turning around.

“You spared Father’s life, and he spared yours. You said it was because you could not think clearly and lacked resolve, and he said it was compensation for your helping defeat the Dark Elves. But that cannot be all, can it?”

“I know not of what you speak,” Loki said, looking bored.

Thor sighed, although he was not surprised by Loki’s reluctance to go deeper into the matter. “How could you think clearly when Mother had died not two days ago? And how could you resolve to kill our father when you knew it would have broken her heart? And how could Father kill you when he swore to Mother he would not? How could either of you harm one another when you knew having the other’s blood on your hands would have killed her?”

“You know very well how deeply I cared for Frigga,” Loki snapped “What point are you trying to make by pouring salt on this old wound?”

That was a good question, because Thor was not quite sure of the answer himself. Mostly, it had been a train of thought he needed to get out. He shrugged. “I suppose my point is that you remind me of Father sometimes, and vice versa. You and he have many things in common, such as your love for Mother.”

Looking disgusted, Loki turned away from his brother. “Go to bed, Thor, before this conversation turns sour.”

Thor nodded. He had had a feeling Loki would not take being compared to their father well, no matter how true the comparisons were. “Good night,” he said again, and when he left the balcony, he was surprised to find he felt closer to his brother now than he had in several years.


Current Residence: Ottawa.
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Medium.
Print preference: *shrugs*
Favourite genre of music: ALL OF THEM.
Favourite photographer: MEEEEE!!!!!!
Favourite style of art: Mine.
Operating System: Windows 7.
MP3 player of choice: iPhone 4.
Shell of choice: Shell? What? Conch?
Wallpaper of choice: Whatever interests me at the moment.
Skin of choice: OMG, RACIST. Jk, jk. =P
Favourite cartoon character: Too many to list.
Personal Quote: "Always bring a rubber boot to a party. Boots are good."
First off, approaching four thousand pageviews!? HOLY SHIT!!! You guys have no idea what a hard time I have believing that. I can't thank you enough.

Secondly, I APOLOGIZE FOR DISAPPEARING FOR ETERNITY. MY LAPTOP DIED, AND UNTIL TWO DAYS AGO I HAVEN'T HAD THE MONEYS TO REPLACE IT. Thankfully, I now have Bender, my shiny new HP G62. He's operating smoothly so far.

A lot has happened since my last journal entry. I'm attending university and majoring in English just as I said I would; but I have also moved to the city. I'm renting an apartment with one of my best friends from high school, :iconlostxfreakx42:. We're the awesomest roommates ever. We share our apartment with our cats, Simon and Zipper, and my budgie, Sparkle. I also had a betta named Captain Hammer, but he died two days ago.  :tears:

As you may have guessed, I was unable to keep my job at Subway. Thankfully, I was hired about a month ago at Booster Juice, a juice and smoothie bar. I'm enjoying the job so far, because I really can't complain about getting free smoothies.  ;)

Though I haven't had access to a proper computer in months, I've made an effort to keep drawing. Over the next few days, I will post a couple of things that I drew during this time. I also wish I had the files from my old laptop transferred to the new one already, so I could continue working on Sanity Is Relative. Yes, what I said in my previous journal entry about letting SIR die did not end up being the case. I feel like I must bring the story to its intended conclusion, and I will do my best to finish it.

Now it is very late and I am very sleepy, so I must leave you with this.


  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Sparkle chirping in the background. GO TO SLEEP.
  • Reading: Some anime and some Russian health book.
  • Watching: A lot of things.
  • Playing: Nothing.
  • Eating: Nothing.
  • Drinking: Nothing.

AdCast - Ads from the Community



Add a Comment:
Natashow Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014
Hey thanks for the watch
JuliaPie Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014
My pleasure! I love all your Doc/Susan stuff! :)
Natashow Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014
Thanks have read any of my fanfics on
JuliaPie Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
I'm actually not sure, LOL. What's your username on there?
(1 Reply)
RAE8892 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Tag! --> [link]

You DO NOT have to do it! the pick was random!
JuliaPie Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013
Sorry, but I don't have the time! :(
RAE8892 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't even worry about it dearie, this is just for fun
Daughter-of-Rome Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Student Writer
Hi, you might not remember me but I was Katniss1029, I couldn't get on my old account due to some issues with my family and stuff... hope you remember me!
JuliaPie Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
Of course I remember you! :D Sorry to hear about your old account though. :(
Daughter-of-Rome Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks,and yeah:(
Add a Comment: